Leaning Against the Wind
Our culture is leaning in the direction of treating the purpose of our sexuality flippantly (i.e. hook-up culture, porn, etc.) and is actively working to disconnect sex from the covenantal context of marriage (i.e. same sex mirage, GQBLT nonsense, etc.). As a Christian single you must lean against the cultural wind. However, we must not simply be leaning the opposite direction from our culture, but we must lean in the biblical direction.
We must not look at our culture’s flippancy towards the sacred covenantal union of marriage, and run helter-skelter into trying to automate Christian courtship into a foolproof spreadsheet. We read romances for pleasure, not spreadsheets. So, while a Christian single must take the process of falling in love and getting married seriously, they must not approach it meticulously. After all, God is authoring a love story, not a calculus equation.
God’s Will
God’s overarching will for you is that you would be sanctified and conformed into the image of Christ (Rom. 12:1-2 & 1 Thes. 4:3). But how do you do God’s will when it comes to a sparkin’ and a courtin’? First, God wants you to be supremely happy in glorifying Him by finding a wife (Pro. 18:22) or, for you ladies, being found (Pro. 31:10). You do this by being the sort of person who rejoices, prays continually, and gives thanks in all circumstances (1 Thes. 5:16-18). This is Paul fleshing out what he meant in Philippians 2:12 when he commanded: “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.”
God explicitly commands you to flee fornication (1 Cor. 6:18). So glorifying God in the pursuit of a spouse looks like flee from fornication. It looks like leaning against everything a pagan culture wants to do sexually.
Scripture doesn’t give us an itinerary to follow in obeying His will in the love story He’s writing for us. What Scripture does assume is authority; a father gives his daughter to her husband who becomes her head (Eph. 5:23 & 1 Cor. 7:38). Scripture assumes lifelong fidelity (Mt. 19:3-6) and a fruit-bearing sexual union (Gen. 1:28). It assumes the community of family (Gen. 2:24) and friends (Ps. 45:7).
The Way God Made the World
So, we must apply this in the actual world. This world which God has made consists of two sorts of people, male and female. Men are made to be strong, wired to initiate, inclined to take dominion. Women are made to be a garden inclosed (Sng. 4:12), wired to respond, inclined to help in taking dominion.
Young men, find a praiseworthy woman. Young women, be a woman who is praiseworthy. Young men, once you find her, ask her father if you can hold on to her for the rest of your life. Young women, if he asks your father––and assuming the bloke is a valiant man––cling to him like a lifeline (Sng. 3:4).
The screenwriter has given you the script, so play your part, recite your lines, embrace your role in making the Author’s story glorious. In viewing things this way we see that both a man and woman, by embracing their particular role, are actively obeying God’s will. You want to know God’s will for your love life? We find out God’s will, by doing God’s will. Meaning, go be Christian, take the step in front of you, and ask her to marry you already.
Note: These are notes from a talk I gave at Collegiate Reformed Fellowship.