Introduction
Following WWII the average age of marriage was about twenty-three years old for men, and twenty-one years old for women. In the early 2000s it had risen to twenty-seven and twenty-five respectively. It now sits at just over thirty for men, and just shy of twenty-nine for women. In 1980, only six percent of forty year olds had never been married, that percentage now sits at a quarter. The average modern couple dates for three to six years before eventually getting married (if they even do get hitched). Stats tell a story, and the story here is a culture that doesn’t value marriage. But why?
The Text
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Hebrews 13:4
For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.
2 Corinthians 11:2
Cheeto Dust on the Mona Lisa
If you value something it will be demonstrated in your time, attention, and treasure (Mt. 6:21). By those measurements, our culture has been weighed in the balance and found wanting. It puts off marriage. It can’t be bothered with marriage. It easily breaks off or redefines marriage. It most certainly does not treasure marriage. Lest you think this is a matter indifferent, Scripture leaves us with a keenly different view of marriage.
It is to be held in honor by all, particularly in the sexual nature of marriage; God is displeased with those who toss marriage by the wayside or violate it (Heb. 13:4). Why is God displeased with this? Well, because He established marriage as a pattern for us to understand the union that the church has with Christ (2 Cor. 11:2). If a child walked into the Louvre with a bag of Cheetos and wiped his fingers on the Mona Lisa we would be outraged, but this is what our culture has done to the canvas of marriage.
Marriage Basics
Before we can discuss the particulars of how to pursue marriage, we must first get it straight in our minds what marriage is and what it is for. Imagine you landed an interview at a successful factory that manufactures highly explosive materials, but the rate of injury for floor workers was quite high. You would really be flummoxed if the interviewer wouldn’t disclose what role you were interviewing for. The skills necessary for being the administrative assistant to the CEO would be massively different than the floor worker who has to muscle heavy and dangerous machinery. Modern conceptions of marriage have presented us with thinking that husband and wife are just two different synonyms for the more generic word spouse; or that despicable term “life-partner.” To think that husband and wife are synonyms is like thinking I-beams and rose bouquets are synonymous.
The current apathy towards marriage has been taught. It didn’t happen by accident. It happened as a result of three particular sins. The sin of unbelief, the sin of godless autonomy, and the sin of beastliness. We did not trust God and what His Word teaches regarding marriage (Rom. 1:21a), and so we insisted that the individual and his reason were the ultimate authority of self-fulfillment (Rom. 1:21b-22). This inevitably led to unrestrained appetites (Rom. 1:23-32).
What Marriage is
So, what is marriage? Marriage is the covenantal uniting of one man and one woman for life. Tinkering with that formula is like entering a bad line of code into an app you’re building, you will brick the entire software. A covenant is a solemn oath whereby two parties are united into a new arrangement.
In the case of marriage the new reality that a husband and wife enter into is sexual in nature. Their individual lives are joined into a unified life. That unified life is a help to them, the only lawful and healthy means of bearing and raising children in the fear and admonition of the Lord, and the principle means whereby sexual sin is guarded against.
That’s what marriage is on one level. But on another level it is a parable of the great and unswerving love which Christ bears to the church and which she will, in eternity, bear to Him. But that leads us to more closely consider what marriage is for.
What Marriage is for
Marriage is intended to display the glory of Christ and the great salvation which He purchased for the church, and the joy which awaits those who by faith are united to Christ in the covenant of grace. A husband is not just the male member of a marriage, he is the principle picture which Scripture uses to depict what Christ is towards the church. A wife is not just the female member of a marriage, she is the principle picture which Scripture uses to depict the people of God.
We will look at the roles and duties of both husband and wife, but the Bible’s first description of marriage is a bucket to put the rest of the Word’s teachings on marital duties in. A husband is to leave his parents household in order to fully enter into the new order of union with his wife. Which indicates that a man is to be active not passive, and it is by his initiation that a marriage is formed. Secondly, the wife is made to complete the man by helping him.
I’ll come back to this repeatedly but for now think of men as lines and women as circles. In other words, a man is linear and thus he drives towards clear objectives and battles clear enemies, only to return to his bride with the fruit and safety of his labor. She, in turn, forms the circle for base camp from where his mission can repeatedly launch from. What this gives us is the faint shadows of the glory, rest, communion, and joy that awaits us in eternity.
A Call to Repentance
If you are tired of marriage being subverted by our culture, you need to stop subverting it yourself. Are you married? Have you been laboring with all your might as either husband or wife to fulfill your marital duties to your spouse, exemplifying the joy, purity, and glory of marriage to your children, grandchildren, and the watching world? Too many couples have fallen into ruts of sin and have contented themselves with an attitude of “well, I guess this is as good as it gets.” Instead of vigorously pursuing what God desires for husbands and wives.
Secondly, to prepare your children for marriage demands that you strive to set before them the sort of marriage that is marked by that purity, selflessness, and delight in each other. Too many couples cross their fingers and hope for the best when it comes to their hopes for their children’s future pursuit of marriage. But if you were teaching someone to make omelettes, you’d make sure the eggs they were provided weren’t rotten. You are the template which your kids will follow when it comes to the formation of their character, and how they think about and prepare for marriage.
For those who are unmarried, there are two categories of folks. Those who desire marriage, and those who don’t. More can be said on this, but if you desire marriage you desire a good thing which God intends for you. Thus, you should order your priorities to that end. Your character, your time, your wealth should be ordered to being the best husband or wife you can be. If you do not desire marriage, you should repent. To despise this gift is to despise the end for which God made the world.
As we look at the sad state of marriage in our culture, the church should recognize two things. We’re in this situation because of sin on the part of Christian marriages. Thus, we should collectively repent. Turn from our rotten way of doing things, and pursue with vigor the Bible’s way of doing it. Secondly, we should also lift our eyes up and see that the picture God put in front of us for what eternity will be like is even better than the best marriage you can imagine. You want to change the world? Fix your eyes on that picture of Christ dying for the church and transforming her into the most radiant and joyful bride imaginable.
Charge & Benediction
If you are married, set your marriage before the Lord and ask Him to show you ways you’ve become apathetic towards your duties to your wife or husband. If you are unmarried, ask God to give you patience in waiting and perseverance in preparing. And either way, live in light of the fact that the end of the world is going to be a wedding, not an atomic bomb.
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.
Numbers 6:24-26
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