Ben Zornes

Living and Dying to Show the Preciousness of Christ

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The Inescapable Story of Jesus 02 | The Scandal of Forgiveness & Feasting

The Inescapable Story of Jesus 02 | The Scandal of Forgiveness & Feasting

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Introduction

The glad tidings which Jesus proclaimed were met with severe opposition. In this chapter we see that the scandalous nature of His ministry consisted of two things: He forgave sins, and He feasted with sinners. This is just the first sign that Jesus’ Kingdom is going to be met with stiff resistance from Israel’s religious leaders. But Jesus doesn’t skirt the scandals. Instead, He is setting the stage for the greatest scandal of all, the death of Christ for sinners.

The Text 

And again he entered into Capernaum after some days; and it was noised that he was in the house. And straightway many were gathered together, insomuch that there was no room to receive them, no, not so much as about the door: and he preached the word unto them. And they come unto him, bringing one sick of the palsy, which was borne of four. And when they could not come nigh unto him for the press, they uncovered the roof where he was: and when they had broken it up, they let down the bed wherein the sick of the palsy lay. When Jesus saw their faith, he said unto the sick of the palsy, Son, thy sins be forgiven thee. […]

Mark 2:1ff

Summary of the Text

Mark doesn’t let off the gas in telling the story of Jesus. After Jesus’ escapades in surrounding towns (Cf. 1:38), He now returns to Capernaum, His home base for much of His ministry (v1). The news of His return causes a stir (v2), while He preaches to the people, four friends bring a paralyzed man to the house; being thwarted in getting their friend to Jesus due to the crowd, they hop on the roof, dig through it, and lower their pal down in front of Jesus (vv3-4). Jesus sees their faith and extends forgiveness to their friend (v5). This offer of forgiveness sparks spiritual heartburn for certain religious scribes, as they are angered by what they perceive as blasphemy (vv6-7). After all, only God can forgive, right? Jesus perceives their incredulity and doubles down on His divine prerogative to forgive sins (v8). He exposes their inner thoughts (v9) and then confirms His divine office as a new Son of Man (Adam) and commands the paralytic to rise up and walk home with his mat (vv10-11). Immediately, the man did as Jesus commanded, and the people glorified God for this marvelous thing (v12).

The next episode in this chapter is the calling of Levi (Matthew) by the seaside (v13); and Levi leaves his money-grubbing and obeys Christ’s call to follow (v14). He welcomes Jesus into his home to feast with him and his unsavory friends (v15). This feasting with sinners elicits more opposition from the scribes & Pharisees (v16). Jesus leans into the controversy. Our Lord likens Himself a doctor, but a doctor for sin-sick souls; as such a doctor He will not leave sinners in the misery of their sin, but He calls such sinners to repentance (v17, Cf. Mk. 1:15).

John’s disciples join in the Q&A to raise another objection. The Pharisees & John’s disciples fast, so why don’t Jesus’ disciples (v18)? Jesus answers with a series of riddles. Do wedding guests fast when the bridegroom is present (vv19-20)? Do you patch up tattered garments with luxurious new fabric (v21)? Do you put bubbly new wine into well-worn casks (v22)? No, no, and no again. Jesus is asserting here that He is bringing about a new order of things. The old order is like a husk which must fall aside in order for the new life to burst through. The sorrow of exile is on its way out, and the joy of the Messianic Kingdom is upon them. For those who had ears to hear, and eyes to see, the shadows were fading away and the morning of Christ’s Kingdom was breaking in upon them.

This new order which Jesus is bringing is one in which Yahweh, by His Messiah, will dwell with His people, feast with them, and rule them personally. Mark shows us that Jesus has the authority to rearrange the order of things by recounting a story of Jesus defending His disciples from the Pharisees’ accusations of Sabbath breaking. The disciples plucked grain on the Sabbath (v23), and the Pharisees, like snitches, accuse them of breaking the law (v24; Lev. 23:22). Jesus puts Himself forward as a New David, and likens His situation with David’s eating the holy bread in the days of Abiathar (vv25-26); this also means the Pharisees are playing the role of the scoundrel spy of Soul: Doeg the Edomite. The Sabbath breaking controversy carries over into the next chapter, but this section ends with Jesus’ strongest claim yet for being the Messiah: He is the Son of Man, and thus, He is Lord of the Sabbath (vv27-28).

Which is Easier?

The first episode in this chapter addresses the pride found in the heart of the self-righteous. Jesus’ question “Which is easier?” still provokes the self-righteous. As we saw in Mark 1, Jesus has been cleansing the land of demons and diseases; but now He takes it a step too far for the Pharisees: He forgives the paralytic’s sins. Prophets of old had performed healings (Elijah, Elisha, Isaiah, etc.). But Jesus has taken up not only the prophetic mantle but the priestly one: forgiving sins.

The self-righteous want forgiveness to be something that is kept locked away, unavailable, out of stock, to be dripped out like an IV. And the self-righteous always want to be in charge of how forgiveness is administered. They want it to be hard to obtain. But when Jesus comes, forgiveness comes too. When God brings our nation to its senses, there will be an avalanche of forgiveness. Forgiveness for abortionists, transgender doctors, market manipulators, porn stars, pedophiles, angry dads, manipulative moms, slothful sons, and unchaste daughters.

Jesus uses some deep irony here. It is easier to say “Your sins are forgiven” than to say “Rise up, paralytic, and walk.” But Jesus tells them that He is healing the paralytic so that they would know that Son of Man has power on the earth to forgive sins. The greater work of forgiving sins is demonstrated in the lesser work of healing the body. This is a Messianic claim to universal power and dominion (Dan. 7:13-14, Cf. Ps. 80), accompanied with a Messianic sign to validate the claim (Is. 35:6). This also supplies us with an apologetic argument for those who say that Jesus never claimed to be the Messiah; here it is in big, bold letters.

Accusation & Assurance

Throughout this chapter, Jesus and His disciples are on the receiving end of a series of accusations. The Scribes, Pharisees, and even John’s disciples get in on the action of accusation. Accusation is the Serpent’s work. And accusation works. It causes your heart to race, your mind to swirl, your will to quail. The police lights in your review mirror cause a hot flush to rise to your face, because they are accusation in flashing red and blue. You are a lawbreaker. The voice of the Accuser keeps men in fear, keeps them cowards, keeps them from being free. 

This is seen in a number of ways in our own tangled legal code. Some legal experts argue  that the average American commits three felonies a day. A cheery thought. This is not due to the moral purity of our legal code. Rather, this is because we have forsaken God’s law and entered the labyrinth of man’s unstable preferences. Jesus breaks the spell of accusation. He doesn’t say we haven’t sinned, but He offers forgiveness for our sins, and fellowship at His table.

The stinging word of accusation can hang over your head for a lifetime. Bad student. Loudmouth. Failure. Cult member. Right-wing extremist. Little brat. Terrible friend. Not cool enough. Criminal. Jesus response to the accusations leveled against him in this chapter show that the Accuser is about to be cast down, and He offers assurance of welcome. Your sins are forgiven. David’s Greater Son has come, and invites you to His sabbath feast. So then, the end of Satan’s empire of accusation should not be met with gloomy fasting, but with exuberant feasting.

The God Who Feasts

The action doesn’t slow down at all as this chapter closes. Mark shows us Jesus as a New David, and thus has authority to rearrange the order of things. The Sabbath follows His rules. The Sabbath was a blessing from God to His people, to indicate the leisurely feast He invites His people to. The Pharisees had turned the Sabbath into an intricate web of uncertainty, Jesus declares it to be the domain of David’s Son. These elders of Israel call Jesus a glutton, but Jesus, as one commentator puts it, “is continuing God’s behavior from the Old Testament”.

Jesus’ Gospel is that sinners can not only be forgiven but also feast with God. There is no asterisk on this invite to dine with Yahweh. This causes a response of envy and accusation from the self-righteous. Instead of rejoicing in the sweet forgiveness which Yahweh was bringing through the person of Jesus, the Pharisees begin to adopt an adversarial attitude towards Jesus. They are scandalized by the forgiveness and feasting.

Jesus the Messiah, like His ancestor David, has a troop of misfits whom He names mighty men. They can partake of the Holy Bread, because He has recruited them into His army. The Pharisees called the disciples lawbreakers; Jesus, in effect, calls them Mighty Men. The Pharisees say you should be morose and fast; Jesus says, “Rejoice for the Kingdom has come.” The Pharisees say sinners shouldn’t be seated at Yahweh’s table; Jesus says, “Come and welcome.” 

Charge & Benediction

There’s a clear application of all this. Is your table as welcoming as God’s table? Christian hospitality is one of the clearest ways we preach this Gospel of sins forgiven and welcome through Christ. So open your table.

Jude 1:24-25 (KJV) 24 Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present [you] faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, 25 To the only wise God our Saviour, [be] glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.

Previous Sermons in the Series

Your Sins Are Forgiven

Your Sins Are Forgiven

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The Gospel we preach is that God through Christ forgives sins. Man is accustomed to dealing with his sin in one of two ways. Either he covers it up with his excuses & evasions convincing himself that his sin isn’t indeed sinful. Or else he slavishly labors to atone for his sin through works of righteousness. But the Gospel proclaims the only way to rightly deal with sin in God’s sight: forgiveness. This is offensive. Man’s pride wants to earn his way into God’s good graces. Man’s folly is thinking that God will wink at his lame attempts to redefine sin. But God looks directly at your sin and forgives you for Christ’s sake.

Have you come to Jesus? God forgives your sin. Have you sinned this week? God forgives your sin. Have you sinned badly this week? God forgives your sin. Will you sin next week? God’s forgiveness will cover even that. While we must not sin so that grace abounds, we must never forget the stunning goodness of this good news. If you’ve trusted in Christ, and been baptized into him by water & true faith, then all your sins are forgiven.

God promises to not remember your sins against you. God casts them into the sea. God reckons you as righteous. Every last bloody sin of the saint has been forgiven by the bloody Christ. This, of course, should compel us to walk in grateful holiness. We forsake our sins because we’re forgiven. We resist the temptations which beset us because we’ve been forgiven.  We labor, according to the Spirit at work in us, to subdue the inner corruption which still remains in us, because God has forgiven our sins. But don’t graduate beyond this simple Gospel truth which is declared here weekly: your sins are forgiven; the only right response is a joyful: “thanks be to God”.

The promise of God’s word is to forgive us our sins when we confess them to Him. This good news is not a way to circumvent God’s justice, but this is how His mercy satisfies His justice. Too often we stand unmoved by the glory of this great forgiveness which the Father gives to us through the redemptive work of His Son, our Lord Jesus. Both when we hide our sin or grovel for our sin we are forgetting this simple Gospel truth that the Lord is merciful and gracious to cleanse us from all our unrighteousness. May God grant that we would walk continually in the glory and joy of sins forgiven, and give us steadfastness to walk in grateful holiness.

The Gospel summons you to be reconciled to God, not on the basis of your merit, or deserving, or because you’ve been on best behavior, but because God made Him who knew no sin to be sin on your behalf that you might be the righteousness of God. That is the good news that we declare.

Forgiveness & Your Feelings

Forgiveness & Your Feelings

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Introduction

The habit of modern man is to act based on his feelings, instead of action based on fact. The Disney catechism has worked its way deeply into our culture: follow your heart. We are the foolish man, building on the sands of emotion, instead of the rock of the Word. The pile of grievances swept under the cultural rug is getting quite obvious. Yet no one knows how to actually sweep out the grime, because no one feels like humbling themselves.

We live in a moment were progressive culture has concocted a whole litany of unforgivable sins. The absolute dogmatism insists that you must adhere to all the tenets of their confession of faith, otherwise you will be run out on a rail. This has left us with an anxious and guilt ridden culture, under the enchantment of the lies of a master Deceiver. Christian forgiveness is like the aroma of the burnt foot of a marshwiggle.

The Text

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

Colossians 3:12-17

Summary of the Text

Paul instructs Christians to put on a particular disposition due to their standing as the elect of God (v12, Cf. Rom 13:4, Gal. 3:27); this disposition includes various attributes which are, to the carnal man, like drinking a castor oil martini with a chaser of vinegar. The disposition of the saints is to be one of patient mercy & humility (v12). By putting these virtues on, we are equipped to the action of forbearance and forgiveness of the quarrels we may have against another. Forgiveness is not a passive event which happens to you, it is an imperative. It puts a victim of offense as an actor in the restoration. This forgiveness is in imitation of Christ’s great forgiveness of the saints (v13).  Agape is like the jeweled clasp that holds all these virtues in place (v14), while the peace of God rules in our hearts individually and corporately. Our response to it all should be gratitude (v15). 

We both put on Christ, and Christ dwells in us. His Word is to dwell in us richly. The fruit of His presence is made evident in  our teaching and admonishing of one another. This is done most poignantly in our biblically founded and faithful praise (v16). All of this should be done with grace in our hearts (v16). The whole  scope of Christian activity is be offered up entirely to God, through Christ, with thankfulness (v17).

The Shipwreck of Trauma-Peddlers

In the midst of a culture where apologies have been weaponized, both by faux-victims and by real perpetrators, a great deal of misunderstanding has arisen about what forgiveness is, and how it works. Trauma-peddlers are not interested in the fire of bitterness being put out by the water of forgiveness. Cruel men are only interested in apologies as a means of preserving the brand. We must reject both approaches. 

Scripture gives us a way out of the shipwreck of feelings, and onto the solid ground of truth. If you’ve been wronged, true harm has been done. Whether the harm is physical or verbal, emotional or financial Scripture equips us to handle the harm done to us with, as Paul puts it in our text, the peace of God ruling in our hearts. Peace is a military term, not an eastern-mystic’s state of being.

Grace is in our hearts and so we sing one to another the songs of God. God’s peace rules our hearts, and so we forgive as He forgave us. Notice in the text that it is by God’s presence within us that enables us to the action of forgiveness. By resting in our justification before God through Christ we are enabled to go about the activity of objective reconciliation. This doesn’t dull our emotional state; rather it is by the Spirit’s governance within us that our emotions are strengthened, sharpened, and sweetened. Elsewhere, Paul instructs that true forgiveness is tied up with tenderheartedness (Eph. 4:32). A new heart, in other words, is absolutely necessary. 

This gives a bit of clarity to Jesus oft misunderstood line in Matthew 18 about binding and loosing; Christian forgiveness is real forgiveness because it is done from new hearts. While unregenerate men continue to pass around imitation and knock-off forgiveness, because their heart is dead.

Transactional Forgiveness

When you’re wronged, Scripture gives a few routes to take. This text in Colossians sets forth one path plainly and implies the second. You can forbear the offense, covering a whole catalogue of sins (Cf. Pro. 10:12). The second path is to pursue the offense straight up the middle, seeking to address the wrong in order to extend forgiveness.

Again, forgiveness isn’t a feeling it is a transaction. This is where many modern grief counselors, like blind guides of the blind, stagger off into the marshlands. Say in a quarrel with a spouse, friend, or coworker you utter a truly cruel insult to them. You’ve done objective harm, so by seeking forgiveness you are identifying the true guilt of your actions, along with the objective harm you did, and then seeking to restore what you harmed. The option for the victim is to either extend forgiveness and receive the restitution, or curl up into hardened shell of resentment.

This transactional aspect of biblical forgiveness removes relational restoration from the fluctuating realm of feelings and excuses and “sweep it under the rug” approaches. Biblical justice requires restitution (Ex. 22:12), ranging from double what was stolen (Ex. 22:7), to a fifth for lesser faults (Num. 5:7) to four-fold (Lk. 19:1-10). Did you gossip about someone? You need to seek their forgiveness as well as seek to restore the good name you tarnished. Did you lie? You need to come clean, then restore the harm done by your falsehood. This doesn’t just factor in material harm, but the harm from time-lost.

I Don’t Feel Like Forgiving

For the offended party, the last thing you may feel like doing is forgiving. True forgiveness isn’t dependent on the alignment of heavenly bodies, or hormones to balance, or enough time to pass. Put on Christ, and grace rules in you.

You get the forgiveness ready, from the heart, because your heart is under the authority of Another. It isn’t under the authority of what your feelings are doing. Your not allowed to hold someone’s sin over their head, that’s to play the devil’s advocate…literally. Furthermore, while extending forgiveness it’s lawful to lay out the clear damages needing restitution (another good reason to follow Christ’s forgiveness procedure in Mt. 18). 

Are the accounts settled? Then all is well. Fellowship can be enjoyed once more, because of truth, not feelings. This is why our lame apologies just don’t cut it: “We good?” “Yeah, bro.” Or the classic public groveling, “I’m sorry if I offended anyone, that is not who I truly am.” Saying you’re sorry is claiming that you have an emotional state: sorrow. Whereas forgiveness deals in truth, “I was wrong for (insert the crime here), please forgive me.”

What is not an option is to say that you just won’t forgive. Jesus gives stern warnings to the unforgiving. You are insisting on receiving infinite kindness from God, and refusing to extend finite kindness to your brother. This, according to Christ, is damnable.

As God Forgave You

Once more, the virtues we are commanded to cultivate are all derivative. You don’t draw up forgiveness juice from the well of your own inward goodness. The well from which your forgiveness springs from is the same well that you have drunk from. The infinite ocean of God’s kindness to you through Christ.

See how God sees you. The Gospel draws open the shades, and allows you see the pristine view of God’s mercy toward you. God calls you elect, chosen. Through no deserving on your part. God calls you holy. God calls you beloved. None of it earned. None of it because you were on your best behavior. All of it freely given by the cross. Lay hold on the cross, and then forgive as God forgave you. Not because you feel like it, but because you have a new heart.

Excuses Are Aprons of Leaves

Excuses Are Aprons of Leaves

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Our reaction to the guilt and shame of sin has remained unchanged since our first parents beheld, with shame, their nakedness. Adam & Eve took their skill and wove aprons to cover themselves. The fall introduced into the emotional and mental life of human experience an inescapable sense of shame. Along with that has come a restless hunt for something to cover our sin.

God, of course, graciously corrected Adam & Eve by demonstrating that only by the blood of another could their sin be covered. And so on through Scripture God showed His people that there must be a covering of their sins. Noah was commanded to cover the ark with pitch, and later on the same word is used by the Lord to describe how the animal sacrifices provide a covering for the sins of Israel. God provides blood to cover our sin and our shame.

We, however, continue to try to cover it some other way. The most common evidence of our lame attempts to cover our shame is in our accompanying excuses. “I was tired.” “They deserved it.” “No one need know.” “Everyone does it.” The excuses we tell ourselves and others, are always a vain attempt to cover our sins, without confessing them.

Which is why confession of sin is so potent. It’s refusing to go along with the established rules that everyone plays by. No more excuses. No more hiding. No more dodging the conviction of the Holy Spirit. If you wronged your brother, make it right with him and with God. If your sin has left you exposed in shame, confess it to God, so be covered by the unearned favor of His grace and forgiveness. After all, you can either cover your sin with excuses, or have your sins covered by blood.

God has given us His Spirit to work in us to shed the light of the Word both to convict us of sins and to comfort us with the Good News of forgiveness. Your excuses are insufficient to atone for sins, or cover them in any meaningful way. Stop making excuses instead of obeying and confessing our sins to God and to those against whom you’ve sinned. Bring your sins into the light, and have them washed white as snow with the blood of Christ. Every excuse you make for your sins only prolongs your shame, and only further tangles you up in it. When you confess your sin to God, it is forgotten, it is cleansed, it is covered.

Robot Pizza & Forgiveness

Robot Pizza & Forgiveness

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One thing we pray for in the Lord’s Prayer, is that God would forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who have sinned against us. The Westminster Shorter Catechism draws out an important aspect of what we should mean when making this petition: “We pray, that God, for Christ’s sake, would freely pardon all our sins; which we are the rather encouraged to ask, because by his grace we are enabled from the heart to forgive others.” 

The encouragement for boldly asking God to forgive our sins, arises from His grace within us enabling us to forgive others. You know that the God who forgives is at work within you when you are eager to forgive those who trespass against you, and thus have a clear conscience in asking God to forgive your trespasses.

But there’s a striking phrase in there that deserves our attention, we’re to forgive others from the heart. Forgiveness isn’t like a vending machine: money in, thingamajig out. Once, some MIT students built a restaurant run by robotics. No waiters or cooks needed, just swipe your card & 10 minutes later, out comes your robot-made pizza. That’s like forgiveness that isn’t from the heart. The meal might arrive hot & ready to eat, but the heart is missing.

True forgiveness is like the homemaker who pours her love into hand-kneading dough, slicing ingredients, and patiently watching it bake. The meal will arrive just like the robot pizza, but the difference is that along with the meal, sincere love for the eaters comes along compliments of the chef.

This meal is God’s token that you’re forgiven, and He means it. It isn’t mere formality or ritual. Nor are there clouds of suspicion hanging over you. He’s made a meal for us, and delights to commune with us. Through Christ, we taste true forgiveness, so that we might share that recipe even with our worst enemies.

So come in faith and welcome to Jesus…

1 John 1:9-10 – Forgiven & Not Guilty

1 John 1:9-10 – Forgiven & Not Guilty

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If we confess the sin [in] us, He is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and shall cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His Word is not in us.

1 John 1:9-10

Denying the presence of sin isn’t how a believer addresses their sin. John has established a distinction between what it means “to have sin” (ἁμαρτίαν ἔχειν) in 1 Jn. 1:8, and “to sin” (αμαρτανειν).⁠1 In other words, there’s both a sinful nature and sinful actions which are the fruit of that nature. Both are dealt with by confessing to the One who is faithful and just.

Verses 8 and 10 echo each other. Saying you don’t have sin is self-delusion, and proof that the truth isn’t dwelling in you (v8); saying that you have not sinned makes God (who is the truth) out to be a liar, and demonstrates that His Word doesn’t dwell in you (v10). Refusing to acknowledge the sin nature and the sins themselves are not only the project of self-delusion, but it is also a slander against God’s Word. 

Sandwiched between these statements regarding the false ways of addressing our sin is the simple explanation for how the Christian deals with both the sinful root and the sinful fruit. We confess the sin in us, and God forgives our sins. The root is confessed, and not only is the fruit forgiven, but our unrighteousness is cleansed. Confession here is ὁμολογῶμεν (homologomen), which simply means to say the same thing as another. Of course, in this context we are agreeing with what God says about our sinful condition and our sinful actions. The conditional promise here is that if we confess our sin He not only forgives our sins, but he reckons us as righteous. He not only passes over our sin, but declares that we are not guilty.

This promise is one of the most golden passages of Scripture. In this simple promise the Gospel is held forth in all its profound glory. Sinners who confess their sinfulness, find in God a God who maintains His standard of justice, and yet forgives sinners because their unrighteousness is cleansed by the covering of another (1 Jn. 2:1-2).

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1 Smith, David. The Expositors Greek Testament. Edited by W. Robertson Nicoll. Vol. Five. Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1979. Pg 172

Sweep Up the Eggshells

Sweep Up the Eggshells

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One of the most distinguishing symptoms that a marriage has an infection of bitterness is that they have lost the ability to be playful. Instead, they bite and devour each other (Gal. 5:15). Every look is suspect. Every remark has a sharp edge to it. Every comment carries a sting. Every action is questioned. Every motive is suspected of nefariousness.

The eggshells cover every square inch of the marriage. Decisions about money, sex, the kids, work, in-laws, and what to have for supper are booby-trapped with trip wires which will set off another round of argument. And every argument is like a deep sea dredge which pulls up the rotting skeletons of unresolved offenses.

The insidious nature of social media, however, lets a couple post smiley, sunny pictures to keep up appearances; while the bitterness festers within the home like a boil in need of lancing. And again, there is no playfulness.

Now, I don’t mean that they never play Scrabble or Uno. I mean there is no laughing together, about each other, with each other, with no hint of animus. The fire of laughter can’t catch fire because everything is drenched in resentment. So they sit in the dripping rain of grumpiness, discontentment, and seething rage. There is no warmth between them. No shared jokes. No playfulness.

Solomon exhorts us to “Live joyfully with thy wife (Ecc. 9:9).” As well as to “rejoice in the wife of thy youth (Pro. 5:18).” The later passage is much more sexual in context (cf Pro. 5:19); however, a marriage in which sexual intercourse is in the context of a joyless, resentment filled marriage, is likely to be anything but a rejoicing in one’s wife. Solomon also demonstrates (in his famous love poem of Song of Songs) that lovers see each other everywhere and in everything from flocks of sheep, to towers, from pomegranates, to piles of wheat.

Paul teaches husbands to “love your wives, and be not bitter against them (Col. 3:19).” This could also be rendered as, “do not be a source of bitterness”; or don’t be embittering/exasperating.” This follows Paul telling wives to submit to their own husbands (Col. 3:18).

So if you are asking yourself “Where did all the joy and playfulness go in our marriage?” I’d bet that it is because the husband has been being an embittering lunkhead, and the wife has been a stubborn rebel. What should be done? If you are fed up with the eggshells, sweep them up by asking forgiveness for all your sins against your spouse. Which is why, I believe Paul precedes his instructions to wives and husbands (and then children and servants Col. 3:20-25) by insisting on forgiving and forbearance as the culture of Christian community (Col. 3:13).

When your conscience is clean, and your offenses are all forgiven or passed over, you can tease one another. Joke about how she leaves the cupboard doors open. Jest about how he forgot to put the slippers away again. Laugh at each other’s ridiculousnesses (I think that’s a new word I just invented). Rejoice in each other. Live joyfully with each other. Flirt with each other. Because your sins against each other are forgiven. Because your mistakes and forgotten chores are overlooked with forbearance and patience. You dance with each other while sweeping up the eggshells. You are playful, because you love her, and she respects you. The husband is a source of joy to the wife, and she is his glory and crown.

If that isn’t the case in your marriage, start with the eggshells right in front of you. Ask for forgiveness for today’s offenses, without demanding that your spouse grovel before you in return, or resenting them if they don’t seek forgiveness for their offenses against you. Give the gift of humble reconciliation.

Ben Zornes