As a father you must not restrict your duty to be a provider merely to putting food on the table. Provision literally means “to see before” (pro + videre). You should be training your sons up in the ways of the Lord, and a large part of this is to remember that in 15-20 years that little baby boy in diapers is going to be entering the workforce. What sort of worker will he be? That’s your job to instill in him the sort of work ethic that is industrious, diligent, creative, and productive. You also are his primary counselor in discerning which career path to take. Here are a three ways to begin guiding your sons (regardless of their current age) towards productivity for Christ’s Kingdom when it comes to their eventual vocation.
Teach Him Wisdom
First of all, teach them wisdom. This of course has applications beyond what career they choose. Thus it is fundamental and foundational to teach your son to be wise. The book of Proverbs informs us that your son will either be a great joy to you, or a great grief. He will be a joy if he be a wise son, and he’ll be a grief if he is a foolish son. That is the binary reality of raising sons. He will either make you proud, or be a shame to you. Not much middle ground. Think of a notorious serial killer’s parents. Imagine them checking out at the grocery store, “Oh your last name is Kohberger, any relation to that lunatic murderer?” Again, a foolish son is a great grief to his parents.
So then, a few things we should note about the term “wisdom”. The book of Proverbs makes it quite plain that wisdom is not principally about deep philosophical musings. It doesn’t evade such deep thoughts, but that is not the primary application of heaven’s wisdom. It does equip us to think high thoughts. But first of all the wisdom which comes from above (not from within as the stoics and philosophers often assumed) equips men to rule, to govern, to exercise dominion over the earth. Look at the preface to Proverbs and it is given for a royal son to learn to administer justice and judgement in this world of dust, sweat, blood, and tears. Our first father was a farmer, not a philosopher. Yet, as a farmer he produced lofty poetry, that was ponderously deep.
Teaching a son wisdom enables him to be a discerning man. This is plain in the choice set before the young man in Proverbs between Lady Folly’s Seduction and Lady Wisdom’s Education. This will be applicable when he gets to the age where he’s needing to make decisions about college or trade school, and what careers are dead ends as opposed to opportunities that are ripe for great gain. He needs to be able to discriminate between hype and truth. He needs to be discerning about how crowds can flock to some new thing, only to be left high and dry. Teach him this across the board in his youth, so that he will be able to apply it in all directions when he brought to rule his own family and business ventures.
Give Him Missions
Secondly, fathers need to give their sons missions. Your son should have lots of quests and adventures that you assign him. When they’re really young this can easily be done with things like cleaning up their toys, pulling weeds, feeding the dogs, running up that hill, throwing that rock across the creek at the big stump, etc. Make sure that along with these missions to often add rewards and consequences for success and failure. In one sense, you want to set up a lot of failure for your son. Better to teach him how to fail and recover as a 7 year old, instead of getting a call that he wrapped his car around a tree because he was drunk driving.
As he ages, you must not treat him like he’s an impediment to your household chores. Parents can sometimes grow exasperated that their kids don’t perform the chores perfectly, and so they opt for a fine-I’ll-do-it-myself attitude. This just cultivates in your kids a sense that they aren’t needed or wanted. This is a petrie dish for growing awkward insecurities and feelings of inadequacies. Instead, teach them to work excellently by being honest about what you expect, how they did in accomplishing what you expect of them, and then give opportunity to do it again. Again, you want them to fail with you right there to pick them up, praise them, and then point them back at the task again.
As they get into their teens years you need to counsel them about how the world works when it comes to vocations. Some careers have a low floor but a high ceiling. Some careers are lawful and some are not. Some require long years of study at a university, others, like the trades can begin in the late teens and you can have them get on the job experience. Teach your son that he can’t have it all. Saying yes to one thing is saying no to another. That’s ok. That’s how life works. Begin to give your teen son missions to accomplish, mostly on his own. One idea would be to give him $100 and tell him to see if he can turn that $100 into $500. Tell him that if he can turn it into $500, you’ll add another $500. Help him brainstorm ideas and see how he executes it. As he gets even older, you might be willing to add some zeroes to that investment.
These sort of missions don’t always need to be career oriented, necessarily. Sports can be really conducive to cultivating a good work ethic. It also might show types of skills he needs to develop or talents that were not readily apparent. He might be an excellent tennis player and thrives when he must put the world on his shoulders. Or he might absolutely love being with fifteen other buddies on a Rugby pitch. Other ideas might be to reward him if he completes John Calvin’s Institutes; or, like one dad I heard about, he gave his son an old sports car once the son could successfully take it apart entirely and rebuild it and it still ran! In one respect, you want to allow him to try his hand at a variety of things. This helps you begin to see what he’s good at, what he enjoys, and whether he thrives with an entrepreneurial “go-it-alone” vibe, or if he does better in a team setting.
Exemplify Gratitude for Him
Each son will have a peculiar set of gifts which God has given him. Think of these gifts as a set of tools. They can either grow rusty in storage, or be put to good use. When you receive a great gift, you must show gratitude for it. Then, you need to put it to good use. He needs to know that God has given him abundant gifts; gifts like family wealth and reputation and connections, his own talents and intellectual abilities, and other such gifts. Those gifts are all to be received with gratitude, and then before God’s face to use those gifts for His glory. Your son’s talents and interests should be in consideration. However, behind that talent and interest is an immovable command for him to be fruitful in his work, regardless of his talent or passion for it. If you were to ask your great-grandpa if he was passionate about his career, he’d give you a blank stare. In other words, don’t make talent or interest the only factor in job seeking. He needs to be content with whatever opportunities God brings along, and stay ambitious in developing productive skills that will grow more opportunities for him in the longer term.
All this ties back in with my first point about teaching your son wisdom for dominion. This means teaching him how to take all his gifts and use them rightly. Of course, included in this are his gifts of natural talent, but it is not limited to it. Help him think about the gift of wealth/money according to Proverbs. Consider what Proverbs 13 teaches:
There is that maketh himself rich, yet hath nothing: there is that maketh himself poor, yet hath great riches. – Pro 13:7 KJV
Riches can be an optical illusion, which is why Solomon begins by reminding that righteousness is greater than riches. You can get rich, but really end up with nothing (think of Dickens’ character Scrooge). Generosity, humility, sacrifice all lead to true wealth. Don’t view wealth merely materialistically. Make sure righteousness is prioritized in your pursuit of wealth.
The ransom of a man’s life are his riches: but the poor heareth not rebuke. – Pro 13:8 KJV
This is a “more money, more problems” lesson. The poor often are overlooked when invading plunderers ravage the land. So, remember that gaining wealth brings about a new set of challenges.
Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathereth by labour shall increase. – Pro 13:11 KJV
This is a warning, as we have seen before, against get rich quick schemes. In a recent NFL game, the Ravens were favored to beat the Browns by 20 points; one fellow was convinced that that was easy money and bet $500k on the Browns to be able to cover that +20 spread. But Vegas would only let him bet $200k; he took it anyway, convinced he had made the easiest bet of his life. Instead the final score was Ravens 35-10. The best way to increase wealth is through labor. Matthew Henry makes a great comment on this: That which is won ill will never wear well, for a curse attends it which will waste it, and the same corrupt dispositions which incline men to the sinful ways of getting well incline them to the like sinful ways of spending.
Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life. – Pro 13:12 KJV
This Proverb can be applied in a lot of directions, but given the immediate context/theme of pursuing wealth we can see that it is important to make sure that our desires are set upon the things of God. Wealth can come and go, and if you’ve set your heart upon that business deal coming through, or that bet hitting, or that crypto-coin going lunar, you will at some point be blasted with the grief of disappointed hope. Whereas desires set upon Christ and things of righteousness will never fail to be satisfied.
Conclusion
In summary, teach your son wisdom for dominion. The first area of dominion is himself: body, soul, spirit. Then give him missions; make them difficult but attainable. Guys thrive on competition, so use that to your advantage. See which of you can do the most push ups, or some physical challenge.
Lastly, let gratitude for God’s gift to him be deep in his bones. To accomplish this you should often put your hand on his head and tell him, “I’m so glad that you are my son, God gave me a good gift when he gave you to me as a son. I love you and am proud of you.”
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