family

Companion of Fools

April 17, 2021 By Ben Zornes Leave a Comment

Introduction

Teaching our children to walk in wisdom when it comes to entertainment and friendship is an active task for parents. Throughout the Proverbs the word used for companion is a poetic use of the same word used throughout the OT for shepherding/feeding/tending a flock.

One of our primary jobs as parents is to feed our children. Now, imagine a parent who lets their child rummage freely through the cupboards whenever they like. Those parents will soon find the health problems of a diet which consists solely of jelly-beans and potato chips. In the same manner, parents are called to shepherd their children to pastures of green pastures. This is particularly important when it comes to what flock they run with.

Lead Your Teens to Green Pastures

The task is to lead your children to green pastures where other sheep commune together under the Great Shepherd. Sheep require vigilant care and attention. Sheep are herd creatures, and if they wander from the herd, or wander with the wrong animal they’re sure to become the main course on some other animal’s menu.

The Scriptures are our authority not only for what sort of friendships we should cultivate, but also what godly friendship is for. Proverbs 13:20 says, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” Paul reiterates this same reality that evil companionship leads to corruption, “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners (1Cor. 15:33).” In other words, friendship is for the cultivation of wisdom.

When you walk with the wise, you walk in the way of the righteous, and so the fruit of wise friendship is that, “The lips of the righteous feed[H7462] many: but fools die for want of wisdom (Pro. 10:21).” Instead of becoming the main course, a wise man is able to feed many. Proverbs 15:14 offers a stark contrast to this exact thing: “The heart of him that hath understanding seeketh knowledge: but the mouth of fools feedeth[H7462] on foolishness.”

So friendship is for the cultivation of wisdom and thus righteousness. But how does Solomon teach us to cultivate friendship, and what sort?

The clear guidance we are given is that the morality of your friends matters, and certain individuals are to be spurned, not befriended: “Make no friendship[H7462] with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go (Pro. 22:24).” And, “Whoso keepeth the law is a wise son: but he that is a companion[H7462] of riotous men shameth his father (Pro. 28:7).” Lastly, “Whoso loveth wisdom rejoiceth his father: but he that keepeth company[H7462] with harlots spendeth his substance (Pro. 29:3).” In other words, we are not to keep company with angry or riotous men, or with harlots.

There are other words of wisdom for us, but notice that here we have a simple summary of what sort of people shouldn’t be befriended. Are they bitter (and therefore prone to either outburst of wrath or cold, seething envy)? Are they out of control? Are they sexual loose? Then don’t keep company with such individuals it. Avarice, greed, and lust are not the traits you want in your children’s companions. As the Apostle John teaches, “Love not the world (1 Jn. 2:15-16).”

Contempt for the Cool

Perhaps one of the most important lessons which parents should teach their children is that of godly uncooperativeness. Proverbs 1:10, “My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not.” Those three words––“consent thou not”––is the sum and substance of what you want to aim for in raising your children to choose wise friends. It is the young man, void of understanding, who wanders down her street.

You want your children, at their various stages of development, to be sticks in the mud. They don’t just go along. They lead in the games, in the places the gang hangs out, what sort of things they talk about, what sort of jokes they laugh at, what sort of entertainment they enjoy. A wise son is not a log floating down the Mississippi; he’s a steamship going against the flow of foolishness.

But just going against the grain isn’t enough. Think about all the teens you’ve known who have gone through a rebellious “independent” streak. They shave the side of their head, put streaks of neon green, orange, or pink in their hair, put the bone through their nose and claim they’re doing it all to be different, to not conform. But the mugshots of all the Antifa protesters should be enough to conclude they they are not non-conformists, they are just conformists to an entirely different culture.

We want our children to go against the grain because they are being raised up to not depart from the way in which they’ve been trained. They already have a way they are going, and any deviation from that way will not entice them.

Lewis points out in the Four Loves that phileo love is oriented towards a mutual goal. Eros is face to face, while phileo is shoulder to shoulder. The question for your teens is: if you stand shoulder to shoulder with this individual or group of friends, which way are you pointing? Are you pointing towards folly, and thus poverty, despair, and death, or are you pointed at wisdom and therefore abundance, hope, and life?

Leisure Rather than Entertainment

An important distinction should be made here between entertainment, and leisure. Entertainment is akin to gluttony, in that it turns us into mindless consumers with no brakes to stop our indulgence. The rabbit hole of Youtube videos, the endless scroll of Social Media, all serve up to us a seemingly endless world of discovery and gratification.

Leisure, on the other hand, is the enjoyment of one’s work, and the reception of the blessings of God. Entertainment gobbles and grabs, whereas leisure receives and rests. We rest in God, to work up a sweat, in order to rest once more. Leisure is a gift to be received.

Remember that friends are chosen, not assigned. We are born into families, but we choose our friends. Entertainment is a subset of friendship. In other words, no one forces you to watch whatever the latest smut-fest is. You choose it. Your choice is a fruit of your heart. A heart that either rejoices in evil or in the truth.

When your children are knee-high to a grasshopper, the father in particular is tasked with pointing and instructing. The movies you watch, the music you allow, the internet sites permitted should all be accompanied with pointing. Point out that Moana disobeys her dad, and then it is her dad who has to apologize in the end. Point out that the melody for most pop music is boring, repetitive, and unoriginal. All this pointing is so that by the time they are nearing adulthood, you’ve pointed out all the principles, and now they will continue to go in the way in which you’ve trained them.

One final note in regards to entertainment. The common complaint is that “clean” or “Christian” entertainment isn’t as cool, or slick, or well-produced as the latest “Dawn of the Freaky Brain Eaters” or whatever blockbuster garbagé Hollywood insists must be seen. The reply is this: “Better is an handful with quietness, than both the hands full with travail and vexation of spirit (Ecc. 4:6).”

Narnian Friendship

You want your kids to be Narnian in their friendship: “You could see that they were ready to be friends with anyone who was friendly and didn’t give a fig for anyone who wasn’t (The Horse and His Boy, pg. 55).” Readiness to befriend, however, is not the same thing as being a friend with everyone.

While we may choose our friends, and by extension our entertainment choices, we cannot choose to not have friendship. Friendship is inescapable. You are either a friend of the world, and thus riddled with lust and envy, and so an enemy of God: “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God (Jas. 4:4);” or you are a friend of God, by faith, like father Abraham (Jas. 2:23).

So, as in all things, it comes back to believing the Gospel. This of course must be followed with obeying the Gospel out of love for God. And be like David, “I am a companion of all them that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts (Psa. 119:63).”

Fathers & Mothers

January 18, 2021 By Ben Zornes Leave a Comment

Introduction

The US Congress recently introduced the rules for their new legislative session. They struck gendered familial terminology (i.e. father, mother, son, daughter, etc.) from the House’s rules for legislators. The recent events of our nation reveal our void of fathers and mothers. This is just one more effort by the godless to further erode the biblical structure for families. As Psalm 11:3 says, “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?”

So it is vital that we understand both how God made the world, and then as those who are in Christ, strive to live in this world according to our assigned duties.

The Text

For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named Eph 3:14-15

But Jerusalem which is above is free, which is the mother of us all.

Galatians 4:26

Summary of the Text

When we think about Fatherhood and Motherhood we need to sweep out the clutter. These roles are not optional add-ons which you can discuss with the dealership. They aren’t social constructs which support the oppression of victims. They aren’t the evolutionary development of our species ability to babble some sounds and then linking them with our immediate ancestors. They aren’t interchangeable parts of machinery.

What we see as society rejects the biblical order for family is not an absence of fatherhood and motherhood, but we get mangled fatherhood and motherhood. We get satanic fatherhood, and tyrannic motherhood. We get State-run protection and provision and State-run nurture and rearing. All because those with their hands on the wheel of society are of their father the devil (Jn. 8:44).

Your father and mother are earthly shadows of cosmic realities. That cosmic reality is if you are in Christ God is your Father, the Church is your Mother. That is the evident in these two texts from the pen of Paul.

In Ephesians 3:14-15, Paul bends his knee to God the Father; every family derives its name from God’s Fatherhood. You don’t have family without fatherhood, and you don’t have any of it without God the Father and Creator. In Greek, you can’t say family (patria) without saying father (patera). In other words, God’s Fatherhood fills the world and fills our earthly families as the inescapable reality. In Him we live and move and have our being.

Furthermore, God has taken a bride for His Son, our Lord Jesus, and she is our Mother. Paul, while making the case that we are delivered from the bondage to sin which the mosaic Law revealed, he uses the imagery of Hagar and Sarah. Two mothers: one a slave, one a free-woman. Which one is your mother? Mother Kirk is a fertile mother, because she is marked by grace and thus life springs from her; whereas Hagar (the bond-woman/Sinai), brings bondage and death (Gal. 4:26).

To repeat, God is Father, and thus we have fatherhood; for those in Christ God is their Father, the Church is their mother. For those not in Christ, the devil is their father, and the death of Sinai’s law is their mother. As always it isn’t whether you will have Father & Mother, but which one you will have.

Children of Promise

Children who grow up without parents or with unmarried parents are faced with a deck of statistics stacked against them. With few exceptions, their lifetime income is significantly lower; their education level will not go as high; their likelihood of being abused and then abusing in turn shoots through the roof; their prospects are bleak by almost every metric. Children were not intended to exist in a covenantal void. Scripture is concerned with bastard children, which is why it placed heavy penalties on rape, pre-marital sex, and adultery (Cf. Lev. 18), as well as provision for the care of fatherless children (Deu. 16:11, Ps. 68:5).

So, if you are a father or mother, you must not think of your duty (as father or mother) as being in a separate container from your marriage vows, and the consummation of those vows. You are a husband and a wife first. The potency of this covenantal love produces children. Your children are children of a promise, even as the whole family of believers are children of the Promise.

Covenant Duty of Fathers and Mothers

So Fathers are first husbands which are called to be faithful to their promise of loving and cherishing. Mothers are first wives which are called to faithfully fulfill their vow to submit and obey.

A father which exhibits for his children that he doesn’t beam with delight over their mother (Is. 62:5), isn’t attentive to her (1 Pt. 3:7), doesn’t shower her with love (1 Ti. 5:8) will teach them to railroad her (Pro. 10:1). Husbands love their wives practically by full bank accounts, full cupboards, full closets, and full wombs.

Mothers which run down their husband in front of the kids (2 Sam. 6:16-23), swerving the opposite direction he is leading (Eph. 5:22), or criticizing his leadership at every turn (Pro 21:19) is teaching her children to be lawless rebels. Wives respect their husbands by bearing his name, and being his glory; she demonstrates this respect practically by not being an indecipherable code to get into, but by being ready for him and responding to him in all spheres of their relations (sexually, directionally, financially). So while husbands are called to fill, wives are are called to receive and be filled.

Lazy, inattentive husbands and bitter, nagging wives are teaching the children more than just how to be unpleasant humans. A sin-riddled marriage is presenting a false Gospel, and a marred understanding of God the Father, Christ the Son, and His Bride.

It’s vital that we see that Fathers and Mothers are cosmic categories. Husbands show their children how Christ laid down his life for the church. Wives show their children what joyful obedience to Christ should be. Not only are you teaching them about Fatherhood and Motherhood, but also the glorious Gospel of sacrificial love, responded to in joyful response.

Covered in Sawdust & Flour

These covenantal duties are not pie-in-the-sky intangibles. Rather, these spiritual duties are earthy, and are covered in sawdust and flour.

In Scripture, fathers name; a fathers’ word carry great weight. Fathers provide and protect. Fathers represent God to their families and their families to God. Father’s correct and teach. Fathers sacrifice and intercede. Fathers rule and lead. Fathers head their home.

Mothers respond to this headship by being fruitful. Indeed without the Father, she cannot bear fruit. As the one who bears and nurtures new humans she is to be held in high honor. They are to be fountains of the sort of wisdom which might be worn proudly around the neck of their offspring (Pr. 1:8-9). They are to be industrious, and laugh at all the troubles which are around the bend (Pro. 31:25). Mothers give glorified life and nourishment that is provided by the Father. Fathers face outward, Mothers face inward.

Adopted as Joint-Heirs With Christ

In Reformed theology we generally emphasize justification and sanctification. We blast through the mega-phone that you are not saved by your works of righteousness, you are justified in God’s sight only because of Christ’s righteousness and death in your place. We exhort each other to holiness and growth in sanctification because God has set us apart to be a holy people. But we must not gloss over the fact that one of the terms which is frequently included in NT descriptions of salvation is adoption (Gal 4:4-7).

God the Father, by the redeeming work of His Son, has delivered you from bondage to the law of sin and death. This isn’t like one cruel slave-master defeating another cruel slave-master, and your just caught in the crossfire. Rather, Paul tells us that you are no more a servant, but a son. In other words, you now have a share in the inheritance which belongs to Christ Jesus: resurrection life, everlasting joy, unending glory. You have been adopted as sons. Your Father in Heaven has given to Mother Kirk the Bread of Life and the Wine of Relief, and she has spread a table for the nourishment of her children. The children of grace and glory.

Why We Say “Amen”

September 28, 2020 By Ben Zornes Leave a Comment

Families accumulate habits like a magnet sweeping over metal shavings. When a baby is born––or a child is adopted––into the family, they immediately begin acclimating to those customs. A wise family should be able to point at their traditions and give a good reason for why they do it. Parents should always be ready to give an explanation of the customs to curious minds, and encourage cheerful participation in family customs. All those mottos, chants, and traditions should reinforce unity and loyalty. But they aren’t the source of the unity.

If you’re new here, you might’ve noticed that we punctuate our songs and prayers with a corporate “Amen.” Let me assure you, it’s deliberate. We want to follow a custom which we see in Scripture (Deu. 27, 1 Ch. 16:36, Neh. 8:6, & Ps. 106:48): “And all the people shall answer and say, Amen.” We continue this family practice by exclaiming hearty “amens” after our sung and spoken prayers.

Amen (אמן) is Hebrew for “truly, certainly, assuredly, so be it.” It was used in the ancient church to affirm agreement and unity in what was just vowed, spoken, sung, or read. We say it together, because the Father has adopted us into His family. We do it heartily, because the Spirit invigorates us to trust the Word. We say it frequently because our service is piled high with sweet promises from our Savior, and we rejoice in each one.

One practical observation for parents of young-un, this is a great way to help them participate. Even one-year–olds can shout out a loud amen, mingling their infant voices with the rest of the saints as we affirm what our Lord has said to us and our corporate agreement in what we have petitioned Him for.

So, instead of saying “Amen” to God’s promise of forgiveness, we’ve said “Amen” to the retribution of envy, the vengeance of pride, and the indulgence of lust. Instead of saying “Amen” to the praise we should render to Christ, we’ve said “Amen” to our self-love, self-glory, and self-righteousness. Instead of saying “Amen” because we confess that we’re God’s people, we’ve said “Amen” to the creeds and confessions of worldly men. So let us repent of all our sinful “Amens”, and receive grace to turn from all the false gospels, saying “Amen” to the true Gospel that Christ alone is King.

Thirteen Ways to Cultivate Godly Manhood

October 15, 2019 By Ben Zornes Leave a Comment

Get up early. Read the scripture. Pray for your wife, children, extended family, work problems, government, etc.
Don’t leave for work without kissing your wife.
Work hard. Don’t mail in your work. Break a sweat (figuratively if you have a desk job).
Come home for lunch, if possible. Especially while the kids are young. Your wife will appreciate the adult interaction/conversation.
When you get home from work, greet your children with a big smile. Make sure they know you delight in them. Tickle them. Tell them how excited you are to see them.
Once you get home in the evening, put your phone away. Spend time with your wife and children, undistracted by texts, social media, work emails, or sports scores.
Rally the troops to help their mom to get dinner on the table. Eat dinner together. Pray before the meal. Read a scripture verse afterwards, or a catechism question. Explain and discuss.
Read books to your children. Play a board game with them. Help with their homework, and/or discuss what they’ve been learning in school and help them comprehend the concepts. If the weather is good, go for a walk, toss a football, scoop up some ice cream for the whole family.
Be involved in the bedtime routine. Get the bubble bath ready. Brush the teeth of the little ones. Wrestle with the older ones. Make up stories to tell them. Tell them a story about when you were a child. Pray aloud for each child by name. At some point in the evening, you may (very likely) need to discipline them. Give them spankings, restore them to familial fellowship, and let the good times rolls.
Once the kids are in bed, spend time with your wife. Read a book with her. Watch a good show/movie. Make love. Ask about her thoughts on some text of Scripture, cultural event, theological issue and discuss.
Before you drift off to sleep, talk with your wife about the cute/funny things the kids did that day or recently. Laugh with her. Rejoice in the fruit of your union with her. Kiss her. Pray with her.
Ask God to bless your home before you go to sleep. Kiss your wife again.
Go to sleep at a reasonable hour, get a good night’s sleep. That way you can get up on time the next day, and do it all over again.

Corralling the Kids As an Act of Worship

September 19, 2018 By Ben Zornes Leave a Comment

Lord of the Flies Church

A number of years ago I led worship at a “family-integrated” service. What I took from this experience was that “family-integrated” meant let the kids run absolutely wild, while the adults pretended not to see the wrestling match over in the corner. No really…there was a “Cowboys and Indians” game being played during the service. Having grown up in churches where you had Sunday School before church, and then everyone but little babies went to the main service, this breed of “family-integration” was new for me. That species of “family-integration,” in other words, was something I would not have wanted to align myself with.

However, later on, when I was helping to start a church, we made the decision to encourage families to keep their children with them during the service. A decision that could very well be termed “family-integration.” I’m grateful to now minister in a church where the normal arrangement is for the whole family to pile into a row to sing, hear the Word, and take the Lord’s Supper together. Some may call it “family-integrated.”

The question arose recently amongst my Social Media circle as to what my views were on keeping children in the worship service. My flinch is, “Of course keep them in the service.” Now, bear in mind, what I am envisioning when I think of children participating in the service is not the Lord of the Flies church I mentioned at the beginning.

What I am envisioning is something more akin to my childhood memories: being told to sit still, perhaps coloring, or once older jotting down notes or doodles of what I heard the pastor preaching. It seems odd that a Christian family would set out to raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, only to send mixed signals to their children that they aren’t yet old enough to worship the Lord. So first, a defense of keeping your kiddos with you in a worship service. Second, some practical suggestions.

Bring the Kids Along

We have quite the number of OT precedents for the worship of God being a family affair. In Deuteronomy 31:12, Moses gave directions for frequent readings of the law:

“Gather the people together, men, and women, and children, and thy stranger that is within thy gates, that they may hear, and that they may learn, and fear the LORD your God, and observe to do all the words of this law.”

This text implies not only a reading but also an accompanying explanation of what was read, i.e. a sermon. Ezra seems to be following this precedent when he reads the Torah to the people in Nehemiah 8:2 (see also Ezra 10:1 where children are specifically included in one of these gatherings):

“And Ezra the priest brought the law before the congregation both of men and women, and all that could hear with understanding, upon the first day of the seventh month.”

Jehoshaphat also called together an assembly of the people Judah, and children are reckoned as being in that multitude (2 Chr. 20:13). Joel prophesying of the coming “day of the Lord” calls for a solemn assembly:

“Gather the people, sanctify the congregation, assemble the elders, gather the children, and those that suck the breasts: let the bridegroom go forth of his chamber, and the bride out of her closet (Joel 2:16).”

On the day of Pentecost, Peter preached to a great multitude of foreign born Jews, and one of the primary OT texts he used was from that same section from Joel. Peter proclaims that Joel was prophesying about that day, the day of Pentecost (Cf. Acts 2:16-21). Peter assures them that the OT promises are for them and their children (Acts 2:38-39).

A final NT place to look for family inclusion is at the Ephesian church’s “send-off” for the Apostle Paul; note who was there. It was not only the elders in attendance, but their wives and children. This special prayer service was attended by families (Acts 21:5).

This is good Scriptural precedent for thinking of our corporate worship as being a gathering for all the saints, both young and old. Further, much of the modern discomfort with having children sit through a worship service is largely because we have adopted an unscriptural view of child-rearing.

Self-discovery has become the goal of parenting, and this inherently leads to expecting that children should be entertained, happy, and comfortable at all times. Another contributing factor is our culture’s stigma of children as inconvenient. This thinking has crept into church circles, and we whisk the kids off to be entertained by childish songs, told Bible stories where Christ is extracted from them and in His place is some moralistic duty, and where the children are taught they deserve to have a “good time.” Rather than teaching our children to grow to maturity, we have accommodated their immaturity.

Both Old and New Testaments make it quite plain that the worship of God and discipleship of the nations is to be done in the context of family life. So, it seems odd to exclude our children from coming to join with their brothers and sisters in Christ––of all ages––simply because we are worried they might cause a ruckus. What is more likely, is that we’re concerned they’ll embarrass us.

The Din of the Saints

Now for some practicals. The challenge of bringing your children into the worship service is an especially poignant challenge for those of us with wee ones. Toddlers are naturally more squirmy, want to explore, and fuss when their desires are thwarted by a parents strong arms holding them on the lap. So, how do you teach them to listen, participate, and grow in understanding what’s happening? Well, quite simply, they won’t learn if they aren’t present. Once you commit to wrangling the kiddos during the service, you need to remember a few things.

The noise your kids make is always more noticeable to you than for everyone else. You’re focused on them after all, and you probably won’t notice the crying baby on the other side of the sanctuary. I had this revelation one Sunday when the plague had descended upon our home and only I went to church. I imagined that if my kiddos had been there, in our usual spot, and I could be in two places at once, I would just hear the “din” of the service. Their noises are my responsibility, but their noises are just a portion of the joyful noise of a gathered body.

My wife and I work to teach our children to use a “church voice”, not fuss, and sit reasonably still. But all with the goal of teaching them to love and enjoy God and His people.

Make a point of practicing for church throughout the week. Teaching your family the songs your church sings, while encouraging your children to sit still in the safety of the living room is a great way to help the whole family look forward to worshipping together on the Lord’s Day. When you have family prayer or Bible time, don’t belabor it by expositing the entire 9th chapter of Romans for your four-year-old. But make it long enough to be a training ground for the littles to learn the discipline of self-controlled sitting.

Further, my wife and I work to make sure to rehearse with our children why we go to church. We remind them on Saturday night, “Why do we go to church?” They respond, “To worship God.” If their answer is, “To not wiggle or fuss, and by no means embarrass mom and dad,” our emphasis has gone cattywampus. We do teach them not to wiggle or fuss, but we want to emphasis what they can and should do, not what they shouldn’t.

What they should do is sing loud, say hearty amens, learn the creeds we recite, listen to the Bible, and get excited when the bread and wine is coming down our row. Throughout the service, I ask my two year old boy questions about what’s happening in the service. I remind him what to say and when. I ask him where the pastor is and what the bread and wine remind us of. At the end of each song I tell him, “Say amen.” He has mastered the art of loudly offering his amen with all the other saints. During the songs I help him clap the beat of the song so he is learning the rhythm of the songs, even if he doesn’t know all (or any) of the words.

If they grievously misbehave, I’ll swiftly take them to the restroom (or at our church there is a discipline room available), and give them a discipline. We strive, however, to make sure that church doesn’t become “the place where we get a ton of spankings.”

There are of course plenty of other practical odds and ends:

Make sure you get your kids to bed early on Saturday, so they have a good night of rest before church on Sunday.
Give ’em a good breakfast so their rumbly tummies aren’t a cause of stumbling. Perhaps have minimal snacks if they do grow too restless…
Don’t bring the toy box to church. For infants and toddlers a small toy may be appropriate to help them stay occupied, but this is something you want to grow them out of as soon as you can.
Our 5 year old brings pencils and paper and is only allowed to use them during the sermon, and she is supposed to try to draw something which the preacher is talking about. Our 2 year old sits on my lap, and I doodle for him on a blank page, or let him look at a Bible story book.

You Wrangle the Toddlers. God Wrangles You!

Finally, I think we have this misconception that unless you can hang on every word of the sermon, or hit every note of every song, that somehow the worship service will do you no good. Thus, we’re tempted to remove the seeming distraction of wrangling our small children. I like to jest that while I’m wrangling my toddlers, God is wrangling me.

I view every “hush”, every reminder not to wiggle, every distraction that comes with having wee ones in the worship service as a part of my worship to God. Now this doesn’t mean we should justify noisy, misbehaving kids. Again…no Lord of the Flies church please! However, my deepest desire for my children is to trust, love, and obey Christ. I want them to be mindful of their union to Christ’s body, the whole congregation of saints. My children are brothers and sisters in Christ, and I want to worship our Lord and Savior with them. They must see how precious and of utmost importance Christ is to me, and how better than in “going up to Zion” each Lord’s Day with them. So, offer up to the Lord the offering of the family rodeo in your row, and trust that God is working in you and in your children a reward of inestimable worth.

Do Things Poorly

July 18, 2016 By Ben Zornes Leave a Comment

Is It Worth Doing?

As the phrase goes, if something is worth doing, it is worth doing badly; or something along those lines. Most of us never undertake to learn something, accomplish something, or create something, simply because we are afraid of doing a poor job. The reality is that the most beautiful artwork, awe-striking creations, and amazing organizations take tons of hard work to get to where they are. When you first start playing the fiddle, it will always sound like a back alley cat fight.

Now, this isn’t an admonition to end up on one of those TV talent shows, screeching away, embarrassing your loved ones. In trying to learn a new skill, be ready to not be very good at it. Although your singing may increase the prayer life of the audience (as they implore the good Lord to help you hit that note), this is not an excuse to continue pursuing a talent that just isn’t there. You sometimes just can’t put in what God left out.

This should never be a reason not to try to learn to sing, paint, learn HTML coding, or play the fiddle. It does mean that you shouldn’t try to perform with Charlie Daniels anytime soon. But you will most certainly never sound good if you never learn to play. So, be ready for the long haul, be honest with whether you’re actually gifted at the thing you’re pursuing, and listen to the constructive feedback from trusted sources.

Just Do Stuff

The reason for this admonition is not primarily to motivate my readership to take up a hobby. The real exhortation here is in the arena of Christian living, and especially as it pertains to the home. Being a spouse, a sibling, a parent, a child, an in-law, etc. is both a calling and a responsibility. You cannot change the fact that you have the family you do; you can change how you invest (i.e. take responsibility) in those relationships.

Make it your aim, that in your familial relationships you are endeavoring to meaningfully love, care for, and encourage those closest to you. Sometimes this means trying your hand at things you might not be very good at. As a young husband and father, I can attest to the fact that the sort of husband and father I want to be is not always the fellow I am. Listening & focussing on what my wife is saying, playing energetically with my high-energy pre-schooler, thoughtfully investing in all my immediate and extended family requires a great deal of intentionality. To show love in creative ways, takes a willingness to do some of those things poorly at first, with an aim to get better along the way!

In many areas of life, it would be better to do things poorly, than do nothing. Especially when it comes to loving your spouse, children, family, friends and neighbors. A loving act done poorly, is better than never expressing love. Writing poetry to your spouse will not be magnificent the first time you try to rhyme something with “your blue eyes”. As an example, make an attempt to write a poem a week for a year, and soon, you’ll find a better dexterity at that craft.

Playing with small children and spending time with them takes diligent thought, care, attention to detail. Better to do it, even if it is “wobbly”, than just give up and watch TV. Again, something poorly done, is better than nothing ever done.

Loving Well Means Starting Somewhere

So, while I have a big passion for doing things with excellence, we must also remember that we ought to aim to do things as good as we can do it. You may not be the best at it, but aim to give your all to your work, hobbies, and most especially, loving your family well!

So, when it comes to loving family and friends, if I can put it this way, do it “badly”; trusting that God blesses obedience. In essence, learning to love well means you have to start somewhere.

Please share & join the conversation by commenting down below!

30 Years Together

June 7, 2016 By Ben Zornes Leave a Comment

Dear Mom & Dad,

Today marks the 30th anniversary of your wedding vows. What a ride life has taken you on; the twists and turns in the plot of your story make Dickens, Austen, and Tolkien look like they were writing “See Dick Run” books. Ups & downs. Riches & poverty (but mostly poverty). Good times & bad.

Through it all, together.

Together is a good word isn’t it?

It speaks at once of the unity and diversity that makes Christian marriage so glorious. It denotes that there are different & separate entities, but somehow united. As Christians we know that the one who does the uniting isn’t a priest, magistrate, or even the couple; but rather “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder (Mk. 10:9).”

I’ve been there for a large portion of those 30 years. Four years into my own marriage, my appreciation, respect, and admiration for your faithfulness to each other has only been augmented and deepened. Neither of you have been perfect, but together you both gave me–and my brothers and sisters–the nearest picture of God’s perfect plan for mankind.

A husband and wife in marriage reminds us of the Eden lost and–for the New Testament age–the promised Eden to come; we see two separate entities joined in one happy state. Heaven & earth, God & man, (though still distinct) were once perfectly united. The fall bungled that. But in Christ, God and man are reunited, the Kingdom of Heaven is permeating earth and will do so until it covers the earth as water covers the sea.

Dad, thanks for going to work every day, to provide for us, clothing and feeding us by the long hours at a desk; planning lesson outlines, meeting with troubled teens, or leading those crazy youth all-nighters! Or even further back, rising when it was still dark to shine your boots to serve our country. In more recent years, thank you for sticking to it, even when dreams fell apart, the path got hard to make out, sickness hampered progress, and youthful energy began its decline.

Mom, thanks for seeing the folly of government run education and determining to raise your children to know that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom. Your patience with me alone is deserving of a presidential medal of honor, not to mention the other kiddos that you are still homeschooling! Crazy! Your doggedness for truth and honor have made me the man I am; and inspired many souls to seek more fervently after the Lord Jesus.

Your 30 years together have blessed hundreds if not thousands of lives. Now, especially through your children and grandchildren, that tally will only continue to grow exponentially. A hundred years from now there will be little children with the last name Zornes, who will trace their lineage to your faithfulness. Because you have been loyal to follow God’s Word in raising your children, there is His promise to bless your children, and children’s children.

Those Zornes, a century from now, will–by God’s grace–go to church, worship God, read their Bibles, and then when they are grown, start godly families of their own; and, again, all because Amy was the only girl who could return Tom’s volleyball serve!

I’ve watched you both face the trials and remain unflinching. I’ve watched as the trials have grown larger, harder, more subtle even, and still you’ve stayed together; counting God’s Word of greater authority than your own convenience, feelings, or comfort. You’ve stared down cancer, financial trials, the buzz-saw of church politics, a rascally son like me, and job uncertainty with faith in the Lord.

You may have wobbled and wavered, teetered and tottered, but here you are with 30 years of loyal love and a godly heritage to show for your selflessness, and sacrifice. Even sinful mistakes have, by grace alone, been used by God to correct, warn, and instruct our whole family. Like John Newton said in his fine hymn, Begone Unbelief:

Since all that I meet shall work for my good,
The bitter is sweet, the medicine is food;
Though painful at present, wilt cease before long,
And then, O! how pleasant, the conqueror’s song!

As I’ve reflected on how to thank you, a memory came to my mind. We were on vacation in Southern Colorado (the trip that was Scooby’s last). We needed a night in a hotel, but I’m sure that the budget was tight (as it usually was). I remember that we stopped at a payphone (kids, that was a thing in 90s), probably to find a nearby vet (Scooby was in a bad way).

One or both of you just made a statement to the effect that God would provide for us and our needs, and then dad went to the payphone to make his call. When he came back, he was grinning from ear to ear; he had found four $20 bills sitting in the phonebook … enough for a night at Motel 6! It is a thousand moments like that–all of us together, mom & dad trusting God to take care of us–that have made me into the man I am, inspired me to become an even better one, and given me a model for what I want my little family to be.

Your togetherness has not only made me, it also shaped me…and most of the godly attributes in my life are directly because of the grace given to me through witnessing the faithful marriage of my parents. I got to sit on the front seat of two imperfect people, showing me the perfect picture of Christ and the Church; and largely by your love & togetherness, I came to love Christ and His Church

If the first 30 years together have been this good, just think what the next chapter holds?!

With Love,

Your Son

Waxing Autobiographical

February 1, 2016 By Ben Zornes

Let me wax autobiographical for a moment and share some personal developments in my life. I now have two children, my second being born about 3 weeks ago. He’s a healthy, chubby, little boy named Edwin Oliver and has already proven to be a great baseball player, and is clearly the most intelligent little boy born this century. As you can tell, I am overjoyed at the blessing of this son.

These last few weeks have been short on sleep, full of ironing out the wrinkles that come with the addition of a new family member (especially helping a lovely little 2 year old understand and navigate all this), and all around wonderful as my wife and I get to look at each other and see how our love is blooming all around us. The blooming involves dirty diapers, messes with spaghetti noodles, and moments when our children prove they’ve inherited the Ben Zornes knack for an abnormally loud volume level.

It has been fantastic.

Hard.

Chaotic.

Joyful.

Good ol’ fashioned fun! [Read more…] about Waxing Autobiographical