marriage

Nathaniel & Stacie

by Ben Zornes · Jul 1, 2024

If you have ears to hear, every wedding is an echo of the joyful shouts from atop New Jerusalem. Christ has chosen His Bride, and the Spirit and the Bride declare He is coming quickly. We hear, and see, and feel faintly here in this wedding realities whose roots go down deeper than a sequoia and whose heights are higher than Everest. I want to highlight three of those realities today: joy, mercy, and love.

First, joy. We ought to remember that happiness is less than joy. Joy is not tied to circumstance, for it is an attribute of God Himself. If God was dependent on circumstance to be joyful, then He would not be God. The Psalmist tells us that in His presence is the fulness of joy. Which means that joy, true 100-proof joy is not ruffled by storms, or sin, or tragedy, or triumphs. The joy that you both taste in each other’s presence––and that is enjoyed in the consummation of your marriage vows––is a real joy. It is not a counterfeit. However, you must remember that it is the appetizer and not the feast. Furthermore, your joy in each other will only last as long as you each say of the Lord: He is the joy and rejoicing of my heart (Jer. 15:16). For the Joy of God is found in His very being, and not in fleeting circumstances. One of you will depart this life before the other, more than likely, and this will be a great sorrow; but the Joy of the Lord endures through all earthly sorrows and swallows them up like the ocean swallows a thimbleful of freshwater.

Second, mercy. The old phrase which preachers use to define mercy is indeed true: mercy is God not giving us what our sin deserves. This is the Gospel footings upon which a Christian household might be erected. Your sins, though scarlet, have been passed over, and the wrath you deserved has been poured out upon Christ. In a Christian marriage, you should frequently look at your spouse and give thanks that God gave them to you, despite all your sin, and folly, and failures. Your sin deserved death, but God grants to you, by faith in Christ, tender-mercies without number. Amongst those manifold mercies is this mercy of marriage. This union is truly a mercy. It comforts you in your solitude, it brings about godly offspring, and it allows you to image forth the union of Christ and His Bride. This mercy God has shown to you, you now are called to show to each other. You must forgive as Christ forgave, extend mercy as God has done for you, and rather than imitate the Accuser of the brethren, you are to remind each other of the great mercy of God.

Third, love. By this I don’t refer to the feeling of mere affection and attraction which we humans usually use the word love to describe. Rather, I refer the agape of God. This is love whose borders are the delight which God takes in His Son, and which sent that beloved Son to die for sinners. This is a love that makes lovely. This is a love that makes the dead live, the blind see, the deaf hear, the lame to leap. Mere attraction will not bind you to your marriage vows. Rather, looking to a bloody cross, with God’s own beloved Son upon it in order to deliver His enemies from Satan’s power, is the only soil in which your marital love can flourish. It is this love that dies which you are called upon to imitate.

Nathaniel, God is bringing you into the high and holy office of husband. From this day forward you are an imitator of Christ in a more profound and significant way than you’ve ever been before. This means that you must be a man who is good at dying. You must die to yourself a thousand times a day to imitate this dying love of Christ Your Savior. This dying is not so that Stacie always gets her way. Rather, it’s so that you are putting to death all of your selfishness, which includes the selfishness of failing to lead your family decisively, gently, and boldly. This lifestyle of dying is to be done on the firm footing which I just described: joy in God, trust in His mercy, and enjoyment of God’s love to you through Christ in order to rightly love this closest and dearest neighbor which He has brought to your side.

Stacie, a bride is often described as radiant, and this is because she has this marvelous power of being the light and glory of her husband. But like a flashlight with old batteries, the glow will fade if you replace contentment with resentment and warm affection with grumbling lectures. You are called to be a bright light in your husband’s life. A light of wisdom, honor, industry, and affection. He will be called to walk through dark valleys, and God has given you to him in order to be a light in darkness, a pleasure in the midst of the pains, a warmth in the coldness. You cannot be this radiant glory unto your husband if you confuse pride with humility. You too must find joy in the Lord, rejoice in His free mercy, and praise the Father for the love which He lavishes upon you through Christ. Joy, mercy, and love humbly received from God, and then passed along to your husband is how God summons you as a wife to be a vessel of Christ’s light in your husband’s life.

In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.

Benediction

May the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who sent His beloved Son to die for the sins of the world, and whose Spirit assures the saints that this eternal love is ours, fill this household just established with His joy, mercy, and love. May the union of their vows and their bodies bear the fruit of children who are faithful to worship the Living God. May Nathaniel be full of vigor for the glory of God, and may Stacie be resplendent with unswerving faith. May the gates of hell ever tremble before the glory of Christ which is displayed in this marriage. And may they be brought at last to dwell in the everlasting Halls of the Triune God. In the name of King Jesus, Amen.

The Inescapable Story of Jesus 10a | Moses’ Promised Prophet

by Ben Zornes · Jun 12, 2024

Introduction

The truth makes soft hearts. Lies make hard hearts. We too often cushion and nuance the truth. Whereas Jesus confronts us with hard words of truth, which if we will receive them like children, will make hearts of stone into hearts of flesh.

The Text

And he arose from thence, and cometh into the coasts of Judaea by the farther side of Jordan: and the people resort unto him again; and, as he was wont, he taught them again. And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. […]
Mark 10:1ff

Summary of the Text

The potent teaching ministry of Jesus continues, this time closer to Jerusalem, in the area John the Baptist ministered (v1). The Pharisees come with another challenge, intending to put Jesus in Herod’s crosshairs: Is divorce lawful? Jesus asks them to explain what Moses taught, and they reply with a not so accurate summary of Moses’ teaching (vv2-4). Jesus then explains that divorce is only permissible as a provision due to the Fall, and then also appeals to Moses (Gen. 1:27, 2:24) by drawing the Pharisees’ attention to the creational glory of male & female. Jesus teaches that this male and female in the image of God infers weighty duties of leaving & cleaving in a covenantal one-flesh union (vv5-8). It is God Himself who joins a man and woman in marriage, severing this union is an assault on God’s handiwork (v9). Later on in private, the disciples have some follow up questions, and Jesus explains that divorce without lawful cause is a violation of the Seventh Commandment (vv10-12; Mk. 6:17).

Mark weaves together some threads from the previous chapter here. Jesus had instructed the disciples to receive children, and in so doing receive Him and the Father (Mk. 9:37). However, when an opportunity comes for them to put Jesus’ teaching into action, they fumble. As the crowds bring children to Jesus for blessing, the disciples play middle linebacker. This greatly annoys Jesus, and He gives an even more clear statement: not only should children not be forbidden from the Kingdom of God, but also if you desire to receive the kingdom, you must receive it like a child. Meaning, children can receive this Kingdom. Jesus then gathers the children into His arms, puts his hands upon them, and blesses (eulogei; imperfect tense) them (vv13-16).

Mark moves on to the next episode, and if tradition is correct, this section is where Mark himself makes an appearance, commonly known as the rich young ruler. Jesus is going forth “in the way”, and the young man comes running up with a request for the way to inherit eternal life. Jesus pries into why this young man calls Jesus good, as God alone is good; He then lays before him the 7th, 6th, 8th, 9th, and 5th commandments (vv17-19). The man claims that from his youth he’s dutifully observed these laws (v20). Jesus looks upon him with love and then calls him to a hard thing: give up everything, give it to the poor, take up the cross and follow Jesus (v21, Cf. Mk. 8:34). Jesus exposed and then touched the nerve: the young man’s covetous/idolatrous heart couldn’t imagine doing without wealth (v22).

The Lord takes this opportunity to teach the disciples about the deceitfulness of riches. Those with great wealth face a certain set of temptations which keep them from entering God’s Kingdom (v23). This stuns the disciples. Jesus doesn’t soften the blow but adds even more force to His words. Calling them Children (for the first time), He teaches them that rich men will have a harder time entering the Kingdom than a camel going through a needle’s eye (vv24-25). Their astonishment deepens and they ask, “Who then can be saved?” Which brings us to the heart of the Gospel of grace: what’s impossible for man is not impossible for God (vv26-27). Something in all this clicks for Peter, and he reminds Jesus that they’ve left everything in order to follow Jesus. Jesus says, “Amen” to Peter. Then He elaborates on how this life of surrender and sacrificial service is gain and not loss both in this life and the life to come (vv28-30). This is the right side up Kingdom (v31).

More About Moses

We really can’t fully understand Jesus’ teaching in this section without understanding what Moses first taught. Moses made an appearance at the Transfiguration, standing as witness that Jesus was the Prophet he had foretold would come, and whom Israel must heed (Deu. 18:17-19). Jesus now responds to the trap which the teachers of Israel set by demanding they exposit Moses up on the blackboard. They say Moses permitted divorce. But they overlook Moses’ reasoning for this permission: sexual uncleanness in the world due to sin. Moses also taught, in his creation narrative, that God’s good purpose was to unite male and female into a new entity. This entity, of course, was capable of recreating itself in the bearing and raising of children. In Deuteronomy, fathers are to teach their children that the Lord is One Lord (Deu. 6:1-9). They must not offer their children to Moloch’s fires (Deu. 18:10). God would circumcise not only their hearts, but the heart of their seed (children) (Deu. 30:6).

This whole passage is Jesus as the Greater Moses. Divorce is a sorrowful rending of God’s good purpose in marriage. Jesus says that divorce is a “thing” because hearts are hard. And a hard heart won’t think twice about sacrificing children in the fire of Gehenna in order to appease the idols. Broadly speaking, marriages crumble due to three sorts of idolatry: unlawful sexual gratification, self-absorbed vanity, and hoarded wealth. Healthy marriages are marked by sexual selflessness, humility, and generosity. Mark sandwiches Jesus’ teaching about divorce between these two teachings on receiving children. Our culture has cut the brakes on divorce, and it shouldn’t surprise us that it also resents children. This resentment ranges from general disdain to the horrific: abortion and genital mutilation.

Jesus insists that children are to be received. Childlike trust is the model for how we ought to trust our Heavenly Father’s promise of salvation through Jesus Christ. They must not be sacrificed in Gehenna. Jesus calls us to bring them to Him for His blessing. And while these covenant children receive this blessing, they must beware, as they grow, to learn the lesson of the rich young ruler.

Wealth and Eternal Life

And what is that lesson? Moses also warned Israel that when they came into Canaan and dwelt in houses they didn’t build, eating of the vines they didn’t plant, they needed to “beware lest thou forget the LORD […] and go after other gods (Deu. 6:12-15).” As I’ve shown before, Jesus came to overthrow Israel’s idolatry. The young man is one instance of how firm a grip idolatry had in Israel. He believed that there was an age to come, one where the faithful would dwell eternally upon this earth, with Yahweh ruling in their midst personally. The question of 1st century Israel was how to ensure you secured your seat in that kingdom reality. The assumption was that deuteronomic wealth, every man under his fig tree (Mic. 4:4), was evidence that God’s favor was upon you.

But the young man’s great wealth wasn’t proof of living under deuteronomic blessing. Instead, Jesus’ hard words revealed the blessings were being taken for granted. The man’s heart had gone after other gods, for he couldn’t part with his wealth; and wouldn’t take up a cross to follow Christ in His path of sacrifice, humility, and generosity. His love of wealth made him blind to the treasure to be found not only in the life to come, but even in this life. Following Christ is its own reward, for in Him is the fullness of joy.

Give it all Up

Christ has come to make that which is impossible possible. Is it possible for a rich man to be freed from the love money? An angsty husband from his selfishness? A bitter wife from her coldness? A marriage full of thistles to become a green pastures? A child to grow up in the arms of Jesus without falling away? The hard heart says all this is impossible. But since Jesus brought the Kingdom of God into the middle of history, He says it can be done (Cf. Ez. 36:25-32).

What do you have a death grip upon? Your dreams? Your pride? Your sin? Your insistence that try as you might you can’t overcome your idolatry? Jesus says come to Him. Come as a child. Remember the Spirit of Elijah turns the hearts of fathers to their children (Mal. 4:4-6). This impossible thing is possible because God the Father beams with glad joy upon His righteous Son. If you would find God’s pleasure upon you, come, take up the cross, and follow Jesus.

Communion Homily

Christ’s call to leave all behind, even your riches, in order to follow Him into His eternal kingdom should not come as a surprise. For even there Jesus set the pattern for us. He laid His glory by and took on the likeness of a servant. He who basked in the eternal delight of His Father, and whose beauty and holiness was praised by archangels humbled himself and had no form nor comeliness. The Psalmists asked for the face of God to shine upon them, but when Christ came, He had no beauty that we should desire him.

Here at this table, we memorialize the glorious humility of Christ. He descended from the courts of Heaven to the hillsides of Nazareth. He went from the height of national popularity, to the loneliness of Gethsemane. He who held the scepter of the universe was flogged by Gentile soldiers. He who gave the Law to Moses, was betrayed by the students of Moses. He who was sinless became sin. He who was most blessed forever, became accursed upon a tree. He who had reigned from Heaven was cast into the depths of Hades.

And for all this, the reward of His sufferings was the Resurrection from the dead and the Kingship of all the earth. This is the invitation He makes to us in His Gospel. That His story of glory to humility and then exaltation to greater glory would be ours as well. Mankind lost the glory of Eden. But He invites us to lay it all aside. All the glory of our pathetic kingdoms. All the vanity and pride of our sins. All our lust and envy and rivalry. Cast it aside. Go to the cross in Christ, and so receive in Him everlasting glory. So give everything up in order to get everything.

So come in faith and welcome to Jesus Christ…

Charge & Benediction

There are only two ways of living. A closed fist, or an open hand. God, through Christ, has shown us the way to live: give everything up. To love God and to love others is to open your hand.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21

Other sermons in this series

Benchmarks for Marriage

by Ben Zornes · Feb 2, 2024

Becoming Who You Will Become

The way you spend your time, and the friends you surround yourself with, and the entertainment you consume are shaping who you will be in the next five years. Right now, you are becoming who you will become. How many of you rolled your eyes at having to do piano lessons, and then years later regretted that they didn’t stick with that training? You’re not a piano player now, because you chose to be a lazy & disinterested practicer 10 years ago.

So then, as you prepare for who you will become, you should ask yourself, what sort of man/woman does God’s words tell me I should be, and what do I need to be doing right now to cultivate those virtues and attributes in my life.

Benchmarks for Young Men

There’s a Jewish saying, “Every father owes three things to his son: to teach him to read the law, give him a trade, and get him a wife.” I have three things I’d like to impart to you young men this evening. I can’t get you a wife, but maybe she’s in the room and you can talk to her after my talk.

So single men who desire to get married should measure their readiness in three arenas:

1. Faithfulness to the Lord

You will soon be required to lead your home spiritually. You will be the covenant head of your home; which means you need to be pursuing the Lord without anyone having to remind you. Who you are when no one is watching, is who you are. You were made to glorify and enjoy the Triune God, and in Him find the fullness of joy. Don’t imagine that you’ll be able to be a good husband or father if you do not faithfully submit yourself to the Word of God, by reading it, praying it, and partaking of it.

2. Fidelity to purity

If a young man cannot contain his impulses he is not ready for marriage. A godly husband must be a source of steadiness. Lack of impulse control demonstrates a weakness of character that would be foolish for a young woman to unite herself to. Some obvious implications arise from this. Recent porn use, gambling (which is a scheme to make wealth without work), drunkenness or drug use indicates that a man doesn’t have moral fortitude to tell his impulses no.

Thus, young men, you need to take a knife to the throat of your earthly desires, and do whatever is necessary to flee these lusts of the flesh. Your home will one day be shaped by your ability to hold fast to and defend purity. You must begin right now. Get a dumb phone, delete the gambling apps, don’t worry if you’re called a prude for not drinking more booze. And by the grace of the Spirit, flee the grave that is the failure to restrain your impulses.

3. Financial stability

A man who is ready for marriage is not one who has a fortune already made; but he is aimed in a vocational direction that is viable at providing for a family of at least 4 within the next 5 years. Gentlemen, this means you need to be saving excessively, and forgoing all the trinkets and toys, in order to invest in a vocation. Have you sought counsel on your career choices? What is the financial ceiling & floor of that field? Find the work no one else wants to do and do it with all your might. An average down payment is $30k. You need to spend every spare moment whittling away at saving up for that sort of goal.

The sum of it is this, seek to be a steady man. Steady in your faith. Steady in your impulses. Steady in your finances. If you can demonstrate all that to a young woman and her parents, you will be hard dude to turn away.

Benchmarks for Young women

One pre-NT Jewish writer said this, “The man who takes a wife has the makings of a fortune, a helper that suits him, and a pillar to lean on.” This echoes Solomon’s statement that he who finds a wife finds a good thing. In biblical thought, a chaste young woman is a fortune waiting to be made. The reason she is a fortune is that she supplies to the man a wealth of comfort, refreshment, offspring, and force multiplication. But what if there are numerous claims on her? A fortune divided is, well, unfortunate.

One of the Bible’s primary concerns for young women (both OT & NT) is that they be chaste. Chaste is a word that causes your inner-feminist to make a sour face, or you just stare back with a blank expression with no certainty what precisely this virtue entails. It is not less than sexual purity (both mental & physical), but it does encompass more than that. Doubtlessly, sexual purity is a significant component of what it means to be chaste. A sexually loose woman ends up with divided loyalties, and quite possibly the burden of children born out of wedlock. A woman with a high body count is making herself like one of those time share resorts; an entire host of people make claims of ownership upon it, but none of them have any concern for the care/maintenance of it.

Here is Calvin on the virtue of chastity in women: “In short, [Paul] wishes women to be restrained, by conjugal love and affection for their children, from giving themselves up to licentious attachments, he wishes them to rule their own house in a sober and orderly manner, forbids them to wander about in public places, bids them be chaste, and at the same time modest, so as to be subject to the dominion of their husbands; for those who excel in other virtues sometimes take occasion from them to act haughtily, so as to be disobedient to their husbands.”

And from another writer: “Chastity is the robe which every woman should wear, and modesty is the golden clasp that keeps it upon her, and the fringe that adorns it. When the clasp is lost, the garment is likely to fall off; and when the fringe is torn away, or carelessly allowed to be trampled upon, the disfigurement of the robe has commenced, until at length it is cast away as not worth being retained.”

So then, here are a few benchmarks for young women to be aiming for as they prepare themselves for marriage.

1. Loyalty to the Lord

You should be diligent in the reading and committing to heart the Word of God. Faithfully attend church. Serve the body, and one practical way of doing so would be to volunteer to sit with families with young kids to lend a helping hand.

2. Focus your Affections

Meaning, your emotional life should be spent on blessing and nurturing those within your family. As far is it depends on you, your relationship with your parents and siblings, and (in most cases) extended family should be marked by generosity, sweetness, and service. This becomes an important way of cultivating skills of nurture and service that will be used a thousand times over in your role as a wife and mother. The lack of chastity causes a woman to be unbounded in her loves, whereas a chaste woman has rooted loves.

3. Circumstantial Stability

You must learn contentment. Your husband will be on the front end of his career, and the first few years of most marriages are marked by financial leanness. This is where the virtue of contentment becomes not only an important point of obedience to the Lord, but also a profound blessing to others (namely your husband). Envy and covetousness will turn you into a bitter woman, the sort that drives the men in her life to the rooftop. But a content woman becomes a vine spilling forth sweet fruit and potent wine for all who have the privilege of gathering around her table. Godliness with contentment is great gain, and this is something to underscore particularly for young women growing up in the age of Pinterest and Instagram.

Get Started Today

So, as you think about preparing for marriage, consider these benchmarks. Am I walking with the Lord? Am I vigorously fleeing youthful lusts (for young men) and being chaste (for young women)? Am I steady and content? Not all of this can be accomplished overnight. That goal of marriage may be further off for some of you than others, and there may be some of you that need to work on some of these things before even entertaining taking that step towards marriage. But what you cannot afford to do is twiddle your thumbs. Get started using your minutes and your hours to become who God calls you to be.

Your chief end is the glorify God. You are to do so not in a pietistic platonic realm, but in your body which is the Lords. Young men, use your strength, by the grace of the Spirit, to be men of valor. Young women, use your beauty and wisdom, by the grace of the Spirit, to be women of virtue.

Nate & Shoshawna

by Ben Zornes · Apr 24, 2023

In Revelation 21:5 we read, “And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.” This is a Revelation, in the middle of history, of how the world will end. Christ’s resurrection inaugurated a new world. This new world is “now” & “not yet”.

Each of us have tasted and felt the “not yet”. You’ve not only seen how dark and twisted and empty the old world is, but each of us have done our part to add to the darkness. This text before us goes on to describe (in Rev. 21:8) all the filthy acts of wickedness which will be judged with the righteous judgement of Christ. Mankind has spun a dark web of lies in which he thinks he can hide from God. Man has built shadow kingdoms, and claimed that what he says goes. All the strife & envy, all the murder & lust, all the deception, manipulation, and lies are the standard operating procedure of that old world. In the “not yet” there is blackhearted sin, there are sooty lies, there is red-raged envy, there is cancerous lust. This world is not yet as it should be. But, we have not been left without a picture of what it one day shall be.

This is because the Word which Christ declares is not just for the “not yet”, it’s also for the “now.” In Christ, those who look to Him in faith, partake of this global remaking. This includes your blackest, darkest sins being forgiven. This includes grace untangling the tangles which your sin has produced. But this only flows from faith in what Christ has accomplished by His life, death, burial, resurrection, and ascended reign.

Indeed, as we gather for this wedding, a wedding that was more than a bit unlooked for, we see the way God, in Christ, is making all things new. In fact, the picture which God gives to us as to how the world will end is the picture of a wedding (Rev. 21:2). God gives us this picture to aid us in understanding both the “now” & the “not yet.” We know that Christ has set His love upon the church, and baptized believers partake of this certain and unswerving love. But we also know that we must wait and hold steadfast for when the Lord shall come again to judge the living and the dead. This is what your marriage is a parable of.

Therefore, whereas you may have been accustomed to walking in self-centeredness, these marriage vows summon you to selflessness. These vows bind you both to recognize the “now” that Christ has brought about: all your sins forgiven, all His blessings promised to you, all His kindness extended to you in the sweetness of the joy which is a faithful marriage. But they also compel you to put aside all the deeds of darkness and to live & long for the “not yet”, when Christ shall have overcome all His & your enemies.

Nate, the charge to you is this. You are called by the Living God to be like granite & not like sand. Sand is moved and shaped by every wind and tide and rain and toddler with a dollar store bucket. Granite is far less malleable. It doesn’t alter with the mood, season, or year. Your steadfastness must be the foundation for your wife, your daughters, and any other children the Lord blesses you with. First & foremost this means being steadfast in Christ. But then, you must be steadfast in the good works of providing, protecting, and presiding in your home. You provide tangible love by working to put food on the table and a roof over their heads. You protect by being vigilant against sin in your life and theirs, enemies who would do harm whether it be sin, the devil, or the wicked world. You preside by leading them with decisive wisdom, judicious patience, and unfaltering faithfulness.

Shoshawna, Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 11:3, “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” So your charge is this: you’ve lived your life, in many respects without a head over you to provide for & protect you. This isn’t how God designed things to be. This is part of the sorrow of living in the “not yet”. Yet God, in His kindness, is giving you this day a head. From this day on you’re to live as one who has a head. It’s been observed that things that are headless or have two-heads are generally to be avoided! As Nate provides, you are to receive it all joyfully and, with gratitude, turn what he provides into glory. As he protects, be a boon of comfort to him in the weariness of his battles. As he presides, sweeten his duty to guide your home by cheerfully following, patiently advising, and loyally submitting. Scripture tells us that this sort of godly femininity is, in God’s sight, of great worth.

So, here as you exchange vows, which bind you until death parts you, you are telling the world about the glorious “now” which Christ has given to His people: sins forgiven & the assurance of eternal life. Yet, you also proclaim the “not yet”, when all things shall be renewed. Christ is making all things new, and your marriage, with Christ as Lord of it, is one of those things.

In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.

May the God who raised up the Lord Jesus from grave, and Who sent the Holy Spirit to dwell with fire in the midst of His people, pour out plentiful blessings upon this marriage just now established. May He bless with abundant joy the “now”, and grant you faithfulness to pray and labor for the “not yet”. May He bless you with a fruitful & faithful home, and may it be a proof that in Christ, all things are being made new. In the name of Jesus, by the power of the Spirit, and to the glory of God the Father, Amen.

Get Married Stay Married | Marriage & the End of the World

by Ben Zornes · Mar 30, 2023

Introduction

Perhaps you’ve watched a skilled artist at work. You watch them paint or carve or shape, moving their hands in ways you can’t, creating something you couldn’t. Then they do something so drastic that you think they’ve ruined the whole thing. That stroke of color was too much. That chiseled off too much marble. That marred the shape of the clay. But somehow it still ends up remarkable. Or think of the skilled cook who bakes & frosts, assembles & garnishes a wonderful spread. Then he invites the guests to dig in, seemingly ruining all the hard work. God is guiding history from one glory to the next. We live in the bright glory of Christ’s resurrection. However, we’re awaiting the final consummation of all things, where this present glory will give place to an eternal weight of glory.

The Text

And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
Revelation 21:2

For as a young man marrieth a virgin, so shall thy sons marry thee: and as the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee.
Isaiah 62:5

Summary of the Text

There is something in a wedding that portends the end of the world. Secularists foretell that the world shall end, billions of years from now, either in a slow, cold demise, or a cataclysmic fiery meltdown. The Climate Activists tell us that the world will end in starvation, misery, and breakdown.

These texts, along with numerous others, reveal to us how the world will really end: marriage bells. A gloriously adorned bride, free of all flaw. A mighty Bridegroom, rejoicing and beaming with delight over His bride. An eternal covenant, which cannot and will not be broken or transgressed. A sweet consummation of fellowship free from sin, brimful of God’s great love, with no sorrow or sighing to be heard of.

John’s description is that of New Jerusalem walking down the aisle, as it were. The church made complete, coming to rest in the arms of her beloved Savior. Along the same lines, Isaiah uses the picture of the returning exiles of Israel to describe the end of the world, and he uses marital language as well to describe it. The sons would delight in the land of promise, as if marrying it. While even better, God would rejoice over His people like a bridegroom delights in His bride.

What is Marriage? What is it for?

If this be the case, the question arises: does your marriage (or your pursuit of marriage) preach a true or false Gospel? Hookups, porn, divorce, adultery, gay mirage, kink, polygamy, violent actions, and profane language/arguments are all ways of taking the Gospel glory which ought to be displayed in marriage and falsifying it. If marriage is to be a picture of Christ & the church, married Christians, or Christian singles who are pursuing marriage should ask whether they are presenting a faithful portrait of the end of the world.

There are two things which make a marriage what it is. A marriage is a solemn, lifelong vow between one man & one woman which is then consummated. You can have a vow that is never consummated, but that is more like roommates or business partners. You can also consummate without vows, but that is like trying to plant a garden in the middle of Times Square. It’s oxymoronic to speak of “redefining marriage.” You might as well speak of replacing the sun, or rearranging the constellations, or refilling the ocean.

Building Around a Bonfire

The WCF 24.2 gives a helpful three-fold purpose for marriage: companionship, propagation of godly children; and in this fallen world, a curb against uncleanness. “Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife, for the increase of mankind with a legitimate issue, and of the Church with anholy seed; and for preventing of uncleanness.”

The order matters. The first tells us that we are not made for the isolation pods. God made us for productive fellowship (with Him and each other) (Cf. Gen. 2:18); marriage is ground zero for loving thy neighbor. Your marriage should not be built on the identity of “raising kids”, but on partaking of the joy which is covenant communion, and thus displaying how the world will end. Along these lines, we should note that singleness isn’t a virtue to be praised, but a hardship to be endured.

The second teaches us that this marriage union is to be physical & fruitful (Mal. 2:15). It is to increase fellowship, not decrease it. Putting off having children is putting off blessing. Furthermore, only a man & woman can bring about this blessing. The GQBLT dogma insists that folks must have the right to marry whomever they want, but this is to deliberately ignore what the one-flesh union of marriage is. We’re on the cusp of treating children like accessories to our consumerist vanity, instead of the blessed fruit of the covenanted, physical love of a husband & wife.

The third one is, perhaps, easily misunderstood; it might make us think, wrongly, that God is a repressive kill-joy. Rather, marriage is a safeguard against the misery of uncleanness (1 Cor. 7:2, 9). The misery which marriage guards us from is that of fatherless children, aborted unborn, an unending drumbeat of guilt for shameful deeds, the grief that is divorce, the impossibility of fruitful unions. The WCF puts this point in negative terms, but were we to put it positively we can see that in guarding us from misery, marriage is given to us for the cultivation of joy.

The modern world is full of smoldering ruins. The belief is that your momentary pleasure is central to your existence. This conviction is like thinking the best foundation for building your life is a napalm fire of sexual indulgence. The culture then wonders why the framing keeps catching fire, the concrete keeps getting charred, and the plumbing keeps melting. The marriage vows are the foundation, framing, and roof. The consummation is like the sturdy fireplace.

Men are Linear, Women are Circular

Marriage can only be constituted between one man and one woman. This is because marriage isn’t something which can be built using outsourced parts and a good bit of duct-tape. Man has been given a mandate (Gen. 1:28) and a Great Commission (Mt. 28:19-20). In both instances, we see that God intended husband & wife together to serve the task in their respective ways.

Men are linear. They must have a mission to pursue, a problem to solve, a rival to subdue, a challenge to overcome. Meanwhile women are circular. They must have a brood to gather in, a flock to nurture, a rhythm to dance to, a garden to fill & beautify.

Problems arise when husbands want their wives to be linear, and wives want their husbands to be circular. Men are to go out like a rocket, but wives are to draw them in again. Wives are to encircle their home, but a husband must lead his family forward so the encircling doesn’t become a smothering. Husbands though you are linear, you are not infinite, and so as you went out, you ought to come back in. Wives though you are circular that circularity is intended to grow not constrict, so follow the line your husband sets forth and help him take dominion.

The World To Come

God is orchestrating history towards a wondrous denouement. Christ dwelling with the church in unbroken joy, uninterrupted love, and unthreatened peace. Eden not only restored, but glorified. Eden was the seed, the New Jerusalem is the ever fruitful tree.

Lewis once gave the example of trying to describe for a child the delight which a married couple enjoy in their physical union. The child would still prefer chocolate. He can’t comprehend a joy that he isn’t yet ready for. This is what earthly marriage is. It is a preliminary joy intended to ready the church for the joy beyond the shadows. Real joy. God is like that artist which we began with. He has given us this glorious thing called marriage, and yet He assures us that it will soon be supplanted by the True Marriage.

The joy which you shall partake of in eternity isn’t contained by mere moments & glimpses. The hymn gets it spot on when it says, “Solid joys and lasting treasure” are what await Zion’s children. This joy is promised to those who lay hold of Christ by faith. It doesn’t come through good behavior. It doesn’t come from being woke or based. It comes to us through Christ, who sought us and bought us to be His holy bride.

Charge & Benediction

The charge is this. If you’re single, take deliberate steps to ready yourself to be a Christlike husband or wife. If you’re married, stay married…and do so by seeing marriage as God sees it: a glorious parable, which will one day give way to the Real Thing, the eternal fellowship of the Triune God with all the Redeemed Saints of God.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen (Ephesians 3:20-21).

Get Married Stay Married | Marriage Snarls

by Ben Zornes · Mar 23, 2023

Introduction

Most folks enjoy their ruts. They find a way of doing things, and that’s the way it should be done. But occasionally, along comes some technological innovation, or some brilliant genius. The way you’ve always done things is suddenly upended, and you can’t imagine ever doing it the old way again. Christ’s life, death, and resurrection was the epitome of completely changing how to do things. Christian marriage, then, should have a similar effect. As people see your marriage, they should be left scratching their heads going, “I’ve never seen it done this way before, but I want that.”

The Text

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. […] Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
Colossians 3:12-13;18-19

Summary of the Text

Unity in human society is impossible without Christ’s atonement. The people of God are to wear the uniform (v12); the uniform is Christ and His righteousness. We must note the flow of Paul’s thought. Your affections must rest in Christ on high (3:1-4). You must fight to the death against evil desires and deeds, and put off all the rowdiness of the sinful nature (3:5-8). That is who you once were, but you aren’t that now.

You are chosen, beloved, and holy. This in turn leads to a particular way of doing things; a way that is profoundly counter cultural to every culture not built on Christ. This looks like large-heartedness. Kindness. Humility. Meekness. You have a long fuse (v12). Along with this comes a clear cut way of dealing with violations of this holy way of living: forbearance or forgiveness (v13). Covering or confronting. All of this is to be done in imitation of the Love of God (v13b-17). This is how true community is formed. God, in Christ, has forgiven you, so you forgive others. Forgive us our debts, as we forgive those who are indebted to us.

Nevertheless, a besetting sin of Christians is thinking that we could be very holy if it weren’t for all the people. So, Paul locates the playing field for us. This Christ-like way of doing things should be seen first and foremost in the life of a Christian marriage. Wives are to array themselves under their own husbands, for it is fitting (v18, Cf. v17). Husbands are to love their wives, without harboring or causing bitterness (v19).

Lemon Juice in the Paper Cut

It shouldn’t escape your notice that Paul’s instruction for wives & husbands is in the context of this “new way of being human” in Christ. The patience, humility, and sacrificial love described are not just nice plays drawn up on the chalkboard. This play is to be executed “in game”.

But where are wives & husbands most likely to be tested in their endeavor to be Christlike but in the failures of their spouse? It is easy to be sweet, kind, and cheerful when everything is sunny. But what about when she’s doesn’t obey her husband’s decision? Or when he thoughtlessly neglects to tell her he’ll be home late from work? When she does an end-around on her husband, getting the in-laws to take her side? When he gets cranky about sexual regularity?

This is why, in order for a marriage to go the distance, both husband & wife must put on Christ. They must imitate His forgiveness towards them in their forgiveness to each other. This won’t be easy. Without divine grace, you will be unable to give grace.

A husband who doesn’t love his wife well, or a wife who routinely disregards her husband’s authority will provoke the other to fill up the relational garage with boxes full of aired (and unaired) grievances. Things get really bad when his box ends up on her side of the garage. But where will a wife need to most likely extend forgiveness but when her husband fails to provide the love he ought? Where will a husband most need to forgive but where she runs roughshod over him?

So, Paul’s command to Christians in general, and then applying it more directly to married couples, rings loud and clear: forbear or forgive. Let it slide, or confess/confront it. Either way, you aren’t ignoring the sin or offense, you are dealing with it as Christ commands. You must not, however, wait until your relational garage could be featured on an episode of Hoarders. Keep it tidy, don’t let grievances pile up.

Bonfire of Joy

This “live differently” project must be spearheaded by husbands. Husbands should be a bonfire of joy in the midst of their home. Husbands, you set the tone. You provide the warmth. You are your home’s brightness. The family should want to gather around you, not because you are such a narcissist, but because you are a bonfire of joy in Christ and joy in them. This means more than just “be there.” It means “be there, and be joyful.”

James warns that ungodly ruckuses begin through wrong desires, disordered affections (Jas. 4:1-10). We see this in toddlers, and then pretend we adults are too advanced for such petty rivalry. But husbands, your wife is not your competitor, she is your helper. You aren’t in a mad dash to gather up more scraps of gratification than your spouse, but you are to increase the joy in the home. Don’t view joy in your marriage as a zero-sum game.

So then husbands, you lay down your life, that by God’s grace He might raise you up into greater glory. You work your tail off in sacrificial toil, while humming a joyful tune through it all. You bring the irrepressible joy, and your wife will gladly crown that joy.

In-Laws, Money, Intimacy, Kids

Now, it almost goes without saying, but the greatest arenas of provocation in marriage usually center around a small group of issues. Like clockwork, marriage issues arise around in-laws, money, intimacy, and child-rearing. In a majority of instances, conflict can usually be avoided entirely or at least minimized through the kindness that is clear communication.

Write it down. Explain to the in-laws where the boundaries are. Put it on the schedule. Implement a solid budgeting tool. Get on the same page regarding discipline and child-rearing issues. Too many couples assume their spouse is a mind-reader. Then are disappointed when they discover this isn’t the case. But in all these areas, it will take mutual forbearance (and forgiveness) to work through the presenting challenges. Again, much of it can be relieved by interacting with clear lines (writing it down, scheduling, frank conversations), instead of vague shrugs or telepathy.

Golden Rule, Golden Marriage

Many couples are wonderful people to their friends, co-workers, and colleagues. But when it comes to their marriage they are constantly aggravated and aggravating. Christ’s way of doing things should be jaw-dropping to the world around us. You once walked this way, but now you have put off the evil scheme of rivalry (Col. 3:7-8). Or as Paul says in another place, “And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God (1 Cor. 6:11).”

Christ bears with your many failures, sins, flaws, and faults. He does not treat you as you deserve. But this doesn’t mean He doesn’t deal with your sin. He has made a way for you to be finally and fully forgiven. Not only that, but His Spirit is at work in you to subdue all remaining corruption. Look to Him, and then do as you’d be done by.

Charge & Benediction

There are two ways of living in this world. One is Gollum’s way, grasping, pawing, scheming, clutching to “your precious.” Me wants it. The other is to be like Christ. You died, and your life is hid with God. One is a clenched fist, the other is an open hand of blessing. Christ calls you to imitate Him in your dealings with others. And, lest you puff yourself up with imagined visions of being a great philanthropist, Paul tells you…start with your wife, start with your husband, start with your kids.

Now our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God, even our Father, which hath loved us, and hath given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace, Comfort your hearts, and stablish you in every good word and work. Amen. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

Get Married Stay Married | Heirs Together

by Ben Zornes · Mar 15, 2023

Introduction

Waiting for something good is a strange mixture of pain & pleasure. It’s agony mixed with expectancy. Christmas morning. A brisket. A bonus check. The wedding day. The birth of a child. The Eternal God placed us in time, which necessarily means waiting. This is poignantly true for engaged couples longing for their wedding day, or a single hoping for a good mate. But marriage isn’t the destination, it’s a waypoint. God wants to teach us to both rejoice in contentment for current blessings, while faithfully awaiting future glories.

The Text

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
1 Peter 3:7

Summary of the Text

Peter has instructed wives to sweetly submit to their husbands. Doing so may win even unbelieving husbands to the faith (1 Pt. 3:1-2 ). How much more of a blessing this will be to a believing husband? A wife’s manner of meekness & quietness is of great price & very precious in God’s sight (1 Pt. 3:3-4). Holy women of old set a wonderful example for godly women in all ages: their trust in God was manifested by obedience to their own husbands. A godly woman is to be fearless & faithful in good works (1 Pt. 3:5-6).

Peter then turns his attention to husbands, and admonishes them to not be blockheads. The wife’s duty of submission should be sweetened by an ocean of her husband’s love & wisdom. He is to be continually present. He is to be prudent. He is to enthrone her with honor. He shouldn’t think of her like camping gear; she’s fine china. Of utmost importance, they are heirs together of the grace of life.

Paul warned (Cf. 1 Cor. 7:32-35) that marriage could become an impediment to religious service, if gone about with mindless carnality. Here Peter doesn’t contradict that warning, but instead affirms & clarifies it. If a husband & wife dwell together rightly the prayers they offer (whether separately, jointly, or with the congregation) won’t be hindered.

Strife and division is strictly forbidden (Jas. 3:14), and called an abomination (Pro. 6:19). How much more in the sanctuary of marriage should there be unity? The squabbling & fights that fill many marriages is a clear impediment to prayer. It’s hard to sincerely worship God when you just ripped into your spouse with a string of nasty complaints or curses.

This text also serves as an inoculation against the rampant individualism of our culture. A husband & wife are heirs together. Of course, your marital status doesn’t determine your justification. But if you are married, your union with your spouse is impacted by being joint-heirs of grace (Cf. 3:1-2, 1 Cor. 7:14).

Love Your Wife

The danger for many husbands is to come to love the idea of your wife. Loving the idea of your wife leads to a simmering resentment. She’s not living up to some ideal you’ve concocted in your imagination, and so you become a muttering grump of a husband. Distant, dissatisfied, and dishonoring to your wife. Crushing her, instead of lifting her up. In a word, the opposite of Peter’s instruction.

In one place, Paul taught, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them (Col. 3:19).” This is a more succinct version of Peter’s teaching. Husbands, you must love this woman who has cast her entire life into your hands, for better or for worse. Paul’s warning is an intriguing one. Some render it as do not be harsh, others render it as not to be bitter against the wife. The traffic flows both ways here. Say he’s a grumble-muffin towards his wife, his presence fills the house with too much bleach, becoming a cause of bitterness in her. He is to both refrain from being bitter, and being a cause for bitterness. He is to not be harsh, nor harbor harsh thoughts towards his wife.

Substituting loving your wife, with loving an idol in the shape of your wife will inevitably lead to ungodly anger. Angry husbands (particularly if they are Christians) can get quite clever in the way they express or hide their anger. Don’t pride yourself that you’ve become more clever at hiding your anger or frustration at your wife. Rather, expunge that anger at the first sign. Love her. Draw her into your life. Cherish her, and dignify her by bringing her to stand by your side through thick and thin. She’s your glory.

His Queen & His Crown

This leads to address what many wives commonly misconstrue. Particularly in our feminist age. To admonish husbands in the above way, is not to absolve women of any duty to grow in grace & glory. But rather it is to highlight that as a husband surrounds his wife with houses & bank accounts & cupboards & cribs filled with his manifested love, she is to become a fruitful vine in this greenhouse of his love. The temptation for many women is to nit-pick their husband, criticize how he leads, question his every move, and spend her attention on matters outside her household.

To quote a pastor of a previous era, a wife who embraces Scripture’s teaching on what a godly wife is, is nothing short of a queen & a crown to her household: “Her spirit gives the home its atmosphere. Her hands fashion its beauty. Her heart makes its love. And the end is so worthy, so noble, so divine, that no woman who has been called to be a wife, and has listened to the call, should consider any price too great to pay, to be the light, the joy, the blessing, the inspiration of a home (J.R. Miller).”

A wife has the capacity to inspire her husband to be greater than he’d ever imagined, achieve more than he ever thought, and grow beyond his largest hopes. Or she can tear it all down (Pro. 14:1). A husband must build a bulwark of love around his wife, and she should fill that castle with glory, peace, and joy. Wives, make it your aim to regularly adopt JR Miller’s advice and, “Whisper a new word of courage to his heart.”

The Grace of Life

The splendor of marriage is such that Christians have been tempted to turn it into a sacrament. Some interpret the Apostle Peter’s words here as ground for such a view. But Christ isn’t imparted or administered to us in marriage. Rather, He is displayed. He’s showcased as a couple walk in the Spirit’s unity. To be an heir requires long-suffering. Waiting. In Baptism & the Supper we truly receive Christ. In marriage we’re taught to long for the fullness of our inheritance. Husbands & wives you either partake of these things in a wonderful and unique togetherness, or else invite the curses of grace received in vain.

God, in Christ, has made you a partaker of His divine nature. Christ has received all things as His inheritance, and He has given you the Spirit. The Spirit leads you into all truth. He takes from Christ and gives to you. This is so you can give thanks for past faithfulnesses, walk uprightly in this present moment, and long with evangelical faith for the High Countries.

Christ is central to your marriage. An unbelieving couple can get married, but their marriage doesn’t enjoy the grace of life. A Christian married to an unbeliever enjoys God’s grace to them, and may eventually win their spouse through a godly example. But a Christian couple partake of both earthly joys even while waiting to taste eternal joys.

CHARGE & BENEDICTION

Husbands, find multiple ways in the coming days to make your love abundantly known to your wife. Loved women are lovely. Wives, seek to make known your respect and admiration for your husband in the coming weeks. Respected men are respectable. And do this, not because “well, the preacher told us to,” but because Christ commands this in His Word. This is for His glory.

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you all. Amen. 2 Corinthians 13:14